And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 18 Winter & the cat)

This chapter has to do with a part of Bucky's past, but the next chapter will do with Sam seeing bucky self harm, continuing like in chp 17. If that makes sense. Enjoy. (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

Winter, the weather that can take you breath away because of how bitterly cold it is. Puddles that were once warm and pure liquid soon turn into thick layers of ice. Right now as the so-called winter soldier stood on the ice road that was covered in a layer of snow. It was zero degrees out and for the winter soldier, it was hard to feel a thing due to how ice cold he was, but it didn't affect him much. There's not really any point in putting ice into your freezer when it was this cold out, it wouldn't even melt. Everyone's house's were freezing inside, the only thing keeping them warm were heaters, but sometimes that didn't even help. They could still see their own breath in their house's. The winter soldier did not in fact have a big effect on the cold, so used to it because he had no emotion or feelings, he was just simply numb. Empty. There were no thoughts behind his head, no thinking, just simply trying to get his mission done. See, the thing is, is that the roads weren't just empty because it was cold and snowing, or because it was below zero, the main reason why is because they all knew the winter soldier was on the mission to kill anyone he sees.

Hydra ordered him to do one specific thing and that was to kill anyone he sees or that gets in his way. He didn't know the reason why, or the reason he had to do it but he wasn't going to ask why, that's not what he's supposed to do, that's not what he was ordered to do. He was supposed to obey and do what he was told to do. Does he know why he's doing this, or even why he's obeying hydra and doing what they asked him to do? No, he doesn't, all he knows is that he woke up one day in a metal chair, each restraint wrapping around his arms and legs, and a mouth guard over his nose and mouth. It was basically a mask, a black one. He let out a whin, pain running through his metal arm as he sat on the uncomfortable cold chair, and soon, when he let out a deep sigh, there was nothing, no noise, not even a sliver of sound, just silence. It startled him in a sense, feeling his fist tighten just the slightest. His throat felt dry, raspy due to the cold and how offly cold it was in the room, he let out a cough, but it only be covered by the mask he was wearing. There wasn't a sound coming out of it, like he was silent, supposed to stay silent.

That day he realized he couldn't speak, the only time he could was at night, when it was his current bedtime but of course he couldn't sleep, he was too numb to even realize just how tired he really was. He wasn't allowed to talk, all he could do was comply. If he did talk without his mask, he would get punished, punished in ways that no other would want to imagine. Sick, cruel, brutal ways. The soldier walked quietly, everything around him was so quiet that he felt like he could sometimes hear things but it to just be his imagination because it was so silent. His ears were rosy red, even though he had a mask on the cold air still somehow found its way through the mask some so his nose was a light tint of pink. His lips were dark pink. He held a gun in hand, his finger on the trigger as he held the lower part of the gun with his other hand. He kept his eyes sharp for any movement to be seen but none was to be followed, the only thing that was moving was him as he slowly walked, snow crunching under his feet as snow feel softly from the sky above him. The sky was bright white, little dots of snow soon dropping and falling down until it hit the ice, snowed road.

The winter soldier moved his left arm, moving his shoulder some as a shiver ran uo his back. It almost tickled. He kept his eyes sharp, looking around himself and then keeping his eyes forward. His eyes were hooded, not just from the lack of sleep but from how cold it was out. This was the worst winter he's experienced yet, but he buried his feelings down, trying to forget on how overly cold he was. No human being could have stood outside for as long as he has, it was almost impossible for him. His right flesh hand shook just a little on the trigger making the trigger rattle very quietly. He felt like he needed to blink, his eyes becoming dry. His throat was dry. He then swallowed, his saliva running down his throat coating it a bit. It felt much better, now all he needed to do was blink. He felt a little breath escape his mouth, warm breath running through the mask as he did so. It felt like his nose was defrosting as he breathed in the mask, his hot breath swarming in it.