"Sam I swear it's not super bad your over reacting!" Bucky says, raising his voice just a little. Bucky showed Sam his cuts on his arms which were in fact healing, already scabbed. The cuts were bad though, really deep and there were going to be pretty damn big scars. Sam had thought bucky was getting better with the whole self harm thing, thinking that he was getting better personally, but now, now since bucky showed him how bad his newly cuts were, Sam knew damn well that bucky was still suffering, still in pain with himself and it made him break, his heart broke for him. He hated seeing bucky like this, sitting down on the toilet lid as he had his arm propped up onto the counter to his right. It seemed like as the cuts were trying to heal, the scabs were irritated around the edges. No, this was bad, bucky was the one over reacting, he was being to dumb to realize how bad these cuts really were. They were almost life threatening and it made Sam inside fuming with anger.
He wasn't just mad just because he did this to himself but because bucky didn't just think for a simple second on what this did to him, how he felt. He couldn't even wrap his mind around the thought of seeing bucky lying dead in the ground, or lying dead on the bathroom floor. God it made him sick. It made him want to slam bucky up against a wall and tell bucky just how stupid he was to even do that, to do such a thing, not just to himself but to Sam. "I'm not over reacting, you're just an idiot for thinking that this is okay, or that this wouldn't have an effect on me!" Sam said, sitting down on a small stool that sat in the bathroom for the kids to stand on when they needed to brush their teeth due to their height. He looked at Bucky's arm, looking at the irritated scabs. Bucky told him why he did it, what happened when he had done it. Sam felt his gut twist when bucky explained to him why he did it. He understood in a way why bucky could think about hurting himself that night, but in all honesty he still didn't understand why he actually did it, why he thought it was okay.
Bucky felt guilt wash over him, just now comprehending how bad this actually was. Sam wasn't actually being the one that was overreacting, bucky was, he was thinking that this wasn't a big deal and it was just a simple couple of cuts, no biggie, but now when bucky really thinks into it, remembering just how deep the cuts were when he harmed himself was pretty fucking bad. He looked down, looking down at his lap as his arm got roughly but gently pulled into Sam's lap. He almost hissed from the pain, feeling the scabs almost crack open. He didn't know why Sam was so angry, or why he was so over heated by all of this. Sam should be more upset than angry at him. Was he made at bucky? Did bucky actually do really bad. Would this affect their relationship, would it possibly ruin it. What if Sam hated him now. What if he was more of a burden than someone Sam loved.
Bucky kept his gaze down at the ground, his heart beat sped up vaguely. It panged with long hard regret, feeling so dumb that he even did such a thing to himself, especially to Sam. Sam loved him, cared for him and would do anything in the world for him, and all he did was let Sam down. He knew Sam was definitely going to be pissed at him for a while now. "I'm sorry" Bucky said. His voice held helplessness. His voice shook a little through the words and it took everything in Sam to not grab bucky and pull him into a long lasting hug. He could do that right now though, he needed to bandage and clean these scabs. They were sore, angry, and red. They looked like they weren't healing properly and it pained Sam. If bucky didn't tell Sam about his cuts today they would have been most likely infected tomorrow, and Sam was grateful that bucky told him at the time he did. Sam shook his head, still heated up with anger by the man in front of him. He didn't want to make bucky feel worse than he already does.
He let a long sigh out like it was hooked to a string. Sam grabbed the wet wash cloth that was laying on the bathroom sink and brought it to Bucky's arm. Small droplets of water patted Bucky's arm as the cold water hit his scabs. It didn't sting much, just a slight sting here and there. "It's okay......bucky...this-this is not okay, you hear me....you know what I don't care if it's the middle of the night or anything you come to me, you hear, you come to me if something happens!" Sam said. He looked up at bucky, not taking his eyes away for a moment. Bucky felt Sam lift his head up to look at him, knowing that Sam wanted bucky to answer back. He felt himself almost get riled up from how Sam was reacting to all of this, or how he was being so stern. It made bucky feel a ting of anger roll through him. He didn't know what the sudden feeling was but he tried to hold it back. He didn't want to come off as an asshole if he spoke so he kept his mouth shut. He was going to just say something stupid so he kept quiet, letting Sam's gaze burn through his skull.
YOU ARE READING
And Start Over ||SamxBucky||
ספרות חובביםʕ'• ᴥ•̥'ʔ this includes the falcon and the winter soldier. I didn't include much of the show but. self harm, most chapters/ slight eating disorder/ panic attack's/ suicide mentions but not much/hallucinations, only in one chapter/mature conte...
