And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 34 And start over)

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'One year later'

Sams never picked it up, the camera that he and bucky took pictures with, videos with. He hasn't because he didn't want to go down that rabbit while again. When bucky died, he lost a part of himself, hell, the whole year for Sam had been hell, but he's gotten slightly better and is now regaining his energy back. He getting better, but he knows he'll never be the same, never be the person that he was when bucky was living. He holds grief, so much of it sometimes he cry's himself to sleep,...most nights he does. Sam looks to his right and at his nightstand that had the camera on it, that held memories. There weren't many pictures or videos, but it was okay, because even if it was one photo, he would be happy. They got bucky's phone and looked through all the pictures, some being pictures of him and a person he once talked to, one with Raynor, but most with him and Sam, even some with the kids and Sarah. They had bright smiles, bucky's was so bright and happy. One was with bucky holding the phone, laughing as he looked up some, Sam in the background laughing as he gave AJ a cup of orange juice, Sarah smirking as she sat on the couch. It was a moment that Sam always remembered. It was a time bucky and Sam were playing arguing around, so bucky pulled out his phone to take a picture of Sam to be an asshole and Sam just couldn't help but laugh hard.

There were so many things on his phone, there were even some sad things, like how he had an app that he wrote some things down, some saying that he feels like his life is just slow and boring, some saying that he's sick of life and he wants everything to end. Some say he wants to cut himself. It was so sad that Sam never once went back on the app and left it at that. He still finds himself sometimes at night, even when he wakes up from a dream of some sort to all of a sudden wanting to go through bucky's phone and look at all the pictures. He just wish he could turn back time and relive those moments again but he couldn't. He blinks slowly. It was ten o'clock at night, everyone was asleep, Sarah had to go to work tomorrow and had to do some things, get groceries and all. She offered the kids to come and they said yes. Sam was fine with them leaving it was okay, but now, he hates being alone all the time, feeling like if he's left alone for too long that he will start to become down. He has a job now, he works and feels good about it, like he's restarting his life and wanting to feel more refreshed which he does.

Sam sighs, giving up as he leans over and grabs the camera in his hand and sits back up. He looks at it for a bit, letting it sit in the palms of his two hands as he looks down at it. These pictures were from the hospital, so it kinda does make his heart break a bit. These are pictures though, and he is really eager to look through them. He sits there for a bit longer than expected, over ten minutes as he just sits there in his own silence, his own thoughts. He looked over at the spot, the spot bucky sat in once before, that laid with Sam. Even though he loved the memories, they were painful too look at, to remember, wishing he could turn back time and relive them again. Sam sat there for a good twenty minutes, not even realizing it but as he looks back down at his two hands, the camera sitting in them, he got the courage to turn it on. It beeped, a few times, signaling it needed to charge but it was at ten percent which would last him a while. He sat back, scooting himself to the back of the bed and up against the headboard as he saw the red light flashing in the side for a moment, waiting for the thing to fully turn on. After a minute, it did and right as it loaded, the pictures came up, then the videos. He smiled to himself, his heart feeling like it was tightening inside his chest as he scrolled. He looked threw all the pictures, some of him and bucky making weird faces, some of them laughing. It was amazing.

Sam smiled and went to the videos watching them, listening to bucky and him talk to each other about random stuff. He watched all the videos, he sighed to himself but as he was about to put down the small camera, there was a video, a video he didn't recognize. He knows deep down he didn't remember doing it, so he lets his fingers huver over it for a good few long seconds before he taps it, getting a pillow a putting the camera on it and sitting comfortably, and then pressed play.