Bottom Of The Bridge ( Compilation of Proses )

xix.

There is always a seperation between me and the others
It's as if they were bright as yellow and I was the darkness in colors
Maybe the most disgraceful and pitiful girl amongst the crowd

I once hid myself inside a box with chains that is harder than titanium
No one has ever seen my face again
They tried to break inside of it but I just can't allow them to see who I've become

No one needs to know that I feel nauseous whenever I see myself
I see endless nightmares whenever I close my eyes
I smell reeks of dirt throughout my skin
I can only see the worst in me and no one has to know that I am disgusted of my own existence

I should've opened up right?
I could've tell them that I am suffering
But why can't I?
I wasn't afraid when I bond with them before
When did it start to be like this?

Now that I opened myself up again, I took one step away from others
So that they can shine on their own as I believe that my shadow will just ruin their color
I don't want to pass my darkness to them
I will just stood there by myself and let everything flow as they please

When I thought that I will never have anyone ever again, someone came and little by little, we became bigger
I found myself in front of many peers that is ought to put colors in my darkness
I can't believe it, is it really happening?

Well, I guess, it isn't as I thought
I thought I am healing
I thought I'm finally okay
But here I am again, proving myself and putting my health in line
Trying-not to please others-but to be at the same chairs as the bests
To do better than anybody else
As I belive that I am special

But that wasn't true
I am afraid, I feel incomplete, what makes me think that I can be special?
I hid myself rather than facing them, why do I thought I was special
I only gave my best so that they can see me, since when did I became special?

As I put an end to this piece, there's only one question that lingers through my soul; did I do better or just became worst?

Distance
- by pinken