The Publicist

New Couple Alert ???

THREE Weeks Later--

August POV --

"As you know, R & B star August Alsina was arrested after being accused of breaking into his girlfriend's home. She later dropped the charges, but he noticeably didn't thank her in his BET awards acceptance speech. This led rumors swirling they had broken up. Well our Roomates tell us that it's official, they have broken up and his ex has been seen booed up with Trey Songz. Seems Trey wasn't playing when he labeled himself Mr. Steal Yo Girl. Trey I thought you and Aug squashed the beef? Read more at the shaderoom.com"

"Yung you seen this?" T came in my hotel room and showed me a post on The Shaderoom about Jazz and Trey dating.

We had just did a show in Chicago then we were headed to Detroit tomorrow.

"Is that supposed to affect me? Cause it doesn't." I inhaled the blunt I was smoking unbothered.

Something I could do freely now that Jazz wasn't around. She hated me smoking and for the most part, unless I got a huge urge, I respected her wishes.

"If you say so." He shook his head and left out slamming the door.

I quickly got my phone out and went to Trey's Instagram. He had a pic up kissing Jazz's cheek with the caption.

"Working on a master plan with this beautiful angel . ❤"

Jazz had deleted all her social media so she wasn't on there any more. Which put me at a disadvantage because now I couldn't lurk to keep up with her anymore. And not a day goes by I don't wonder how she is.

I be getting urges to go by her crib, but a nigga pride was hurt after she called the cops.

So I cut off all contact. Stopped apologizing. Stopped calling. Texting. Coming by.

I wanted her to feel what life was like without me, hoping she'd miss me so much she'd cave in and call a nigga to come visit.

And we'd argue. Say all types of shit we don't mean, then she'd cry. I'd apologize profusely and tell her how sorry I was. How my cheating had nothing to do with her, and how much I truly loved, missed and needed her in my life. We's sex that shit out. I'd have my baby back and then we'd prepare together for whatever lies ahead.

But the only place that happened was in my mind. She ain't even sent a nigga a smoke signal. 😔

Outwardly, life was great. I got more opps. Was still working on my album preparing for a release soon. I was in the club every night with my homies, making sure I was surrounded by the baddest.

The only person who could see through my facade was T. He knew on the inside my heart was bleeding.

He knew that when the club lights faded, I took my ass home to an empty bed. That after I talk reckless on twitter about how my life was better, I prayed and cried to God every night to bring my Nola Jazz back. That he will allow her somehow to forgive me and work it out with me.

But T never called me out on it. He just let me live in my own delusional world, acting like I was okay. That I wasn't letting this break-up affect me.

Why do we as niggas do that? Allow our ego to make us look stupid by putting up this front like we were good, even though inside, we crying like newborn babies?

It was the simplest shit I missed too. I missed our movie dates at 3'0clock sharp we'd have when I was sick. Just laying in bed, eating snacks and watching movies either on demand or Netflix.

I missed her getting worried about me, when she thought I forgot to take my pills.

I missed giving her a hard time about her food although deep down my bum had improved greatly and actually had skills.

I missed us roasting each other. Her talking about my head and skinny body. And me getting mad about it, although I would roast her too.

I missed our love making. The way her body felt and tasted against my lips. Feeling myself wrapped in her warm beautiful thickness and her letting out the sexiest fucking moans I heard in my life in my ear.

I missed the way she locked her legs around my waist when I was inside her. The full body shake she did when she was climaxing like she was having convulsions.

Just thinking about this shit was making a nigga rock hard. 😩

But most of all I just missed her next to me. Knowing that while Mel had my front, cause I kept him on my chain, my bum had my back when no one did.

And to see my moment of selfishness, could result in a lifetime without her was killing me faster than my failing kidney ever could.

Just call me Jazz damn. Shit!!!!! Miss me like I miss you. Yeah I messed up, but stop acting like I ain't mean shit to you.

Stop acting like your heart ain't bleeding like mine. Like your eyes ain't fucked up from crying so much. Like your body ain't cold, from us not being able to sleep in each other's warmness. Like your lips ain't feening to be touched by mine. Like you don't miss my laugh or my smile. Or just me period. 😞

And you leave me for Trey!!!!??? What the fuck can he give you that I can't? Y'all don't have the history we have. Or the memories. Or the laughs.

He not gon make you feel beautiful like I did? He not gon miss concerts to chase after you in a bathroom stall to tell you, you the only one for me. He not gon spend every dime he got, even the ones he don't, like I did to make your dreams come true.

I love you Jazmine. I do. And I'm sorry baby. I made a mistake and it was bad I know, but don't hold it against me. I'm not going to do it anymore. I promise baby. What I got to do to be a better man? Your rules baby. Give me more rules I'll follow them. No hesitation this time. Just please don't leave me for Trey or any other nigga.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the hotel mirror. My blunt was finished and my eyes were blood shot red from both the smoking effects and these tears.

If only I could break down my ego enough to tell her what I just said to myself, to her in person.

I sighed. That would be the real struggle. But if she was at the Detroit show, I would try.

😣