Forbidden Love

Chapter 61

TW- Self Harm

I sat slumped against my bathroom wall holding the razor blade in my hand, gently grazing my fingers over the blade not hard enough to cut.

I turned over my wrist and saw my scars.

I grazed over them with my fingers, and the voice telling me to do it won. I took the blade and connected it with my wrist, the pain came and faded before I cut again feeling the same, 1 turned into 3 and soon. I had cut myself 6 times before I felt some sort of relief.

Blood began seething through my cuts, I got a tissue and dabbed it onto my wrist and it stung. "Whenever you feel that way come to me okay?" Jason's words echoed.

I got up and threw the bloody tissue away before making my way to Jason's room. I stood at his door contemplating if I should knock or just turn around and go back to my room.

I knocked once before Jason told me to come in. He was sat at his desk studying for upcoming exams. "Hey Q whats up?!" He asked swivelling in his chair.

"Just wanted to see what you were doing and your clearly busy so i'll come back later ok?" I replied before turning around but just before my hand could touch the door handle he spoke.

"Woah woah wait, if somethings up you can tell me, and me? Busy? Pffft as if" He scoffed throwing his pen behind him. I sighed and shut the door before turning to him.

"Um remember when you told me to come to you first if I ever felt like, you know" I said keeping my eyes glued to the floor. He stood up from his chair and sat me on his bed before sitting next to me.

"Whats up Q?" He asked. I took a breath and looked up at him, his face clear with concern. "Im sorry" I whispered, I rolled up my sleeve revealing my bloody cuts. He got up from his bed and brought wipes and band aids.

"Q, why didnt you call me before" He asked dabbing the blood away. I ignored the pain and stinging in my wrist thinking of why I didnt call him. I just shrugged my shoulders, he finished wiping the blood and put band aids over my cuts.

"Quinn, whats going on?" He asked. "I just want it to stop, I know Dean or Dianne cant hurt me, I know all of you are here for me, I know that right now my life is so much better than it was a few months ago but I cant help but feel numb. I feel alone, like I have to deal with whatever goes on in my head by myself because no one will understand and I'll look insane for trying to explain it but everything that had happened it stuck with me, literally" I said truthfully referring to the burn scar plastered across my chest.

"I still get flashbacks, the nightmares havent gone and I cant help but feel like i re live those days over and over again in my mind" I sighed.

I kept my eyes on my hands not wanting to look him in the eyes but he didnt say anything but he turned me to face him and just hugged me. "I had no idea you felt that way, and i'm so sorry" he whispered. I hugged him back and told him he didnt need to apologise.

"Quinn i'm here arent i? Im a real person and I will always hear you out, you might feel like your alone but your not ok? You have me, Jackson, Alex, Noah and Andrès and we all love you so much" He assured and that is something I really needed to hear.

"We gotta go to the hospital so Alex can check just to see if it isnt infected ok?" He asked and I hesitantly nodded my head. I grabbed my shoes and we both made our way downstairs.

"And where are you two devils going?" Noah asked folding his arms, "just going to see Alex, our FAVOURITE brother" Jason smiled before taking my other arm leading me out to his car.

The drive there was silent, I didnt want to speak and I'm guessing Jason knew that.

Once we got there I sat in my seat feeling like Alex would be disappointed in me, disgusted by it. "Quinn? You good?" Jason asked opening my door. I nodded before following him inside, I sat in the waiting area whilst he spoke to the receptionist.

After a few minutes Alex walked towards us looking worried. "What happened? You two okay?" He asked, "Alex can we go to a room?"
Jason asked standing up. Alex nodded and we followed him to an empty room.

"Before we tell you, I swear if you make any off faces about it we are walking out and we'll get someone else" Jason stated and Alex nodded his head. Jason looked over at me nodding his head as in a 'you can show him its okay' kind of way.

I took a breath and lifted my sleeve up. Alex walked over and removed the band aids carefully. "Oh Quinn" He sighed.

He sat me down and got that stingy spray, a cloth and a bandage. I turned away as he sprayed my wrist as I hissed in pain whilst Jason held my hand letting my squeeze his.

He dabbed it before bandaging my wrist and pulling my sleeve back down. "Honey why?" Alex asked, I looked up at him and shrugged my shoulders.

"You two head home, i'll be back after my shift in an hour and we can talk about this with Jack and Noah" Alex said walking us out.

Once we got home I made my way to my room and shut the door before laying on my bed facing my ceiling.
'What would happen if I didnt stop at 6?'
'I should've done it more'
'Why cant the pain go?'
'I just want it to stop'
the thoughts in my mind felt inescapable, as if i'm trapped in my own mind.

I was brought out my mind when I heard my door opening with my brothers coming in one after the other sitting on my bed.

"You dont have to talk if you dont want to, just listen okay?" Jack said, I sat up from my bed and faced them who shared the same worried expression. "You cant be doing that to yourself, its dangerous and we cant loose you princess" Jackson spoke, "we understand you arent in the best place mentally but please come to any of us before you do that" Noah followed.

"Maybe we dont understand what exactly it is your going through, but we're all here for you if you ever wanna talk about it" Alex assured. "And if you dont wanna talk to these old men you always have me" Jason said to lighten the mood up.

I smiled and pulled them all in for a hug and even though Jason acts like he hates them, I know he loves them.