Secrets I Keep (Book 2. of A Beautiful Distraction)

12) Time

"Newt,"I whispered, gently shaking him. He groaned before sitting up. "I need the book,"I explained.

"No. You need to sleep,"He argued.

"No. I need to read,"I debated.

"Y/N, you do not need to be up late."

"Just for a little bit. I'll put it up after a few chapters,"I promised.

"Liar."

Okay. So I was definitely lying, but why did he have to point it out? How did he even know?

"Give me the book,"I demanded.

"No."

"Just give me the book,"I hissed.

"Go to bed, and leave me alone."

"I'll leave you alone when I get my book."

"This isn't even your book. We don't own these,"He pointed out.

"I just need it Newt. I got a memory earlier, and I might have figured out the thing with my eyes. I just need to see if I can confirm it,"I admitted.

He was so silent I was worried he'd gone back to sleep. Then, he went to hand it over.

"Don't stay up all night though,"He bargained.

"Good that,"I agreed.

"Then, just take the book. I'm going back to sleep."

"Thank you Newt,"I said, before walking to the library. I've noticed that it seems completely abandoned. It's dusty, empty, and has a feeling of nobody ever having been there before. I know there's usually a reason something is left behind, but I didn't care to find out why for this one. I just needed my safe spot.

I already knew the way there by heart. I may have only been there a handful of times, but it was becoming an important part of my life.

I crept down the halls, every now and then having to stop because I heard voices. Thankfully, nobody noticed me as I snuck past them. Still, I seemed to be running on a mild amount of adrenaline as I opened the door just enough to fit through before closing it. Focused on nothing else but I turned on the lamp and started looking for more answers.

Chapter 2
The Signs

Many people turn against others who have been near an Irreparabiliss Monstrum even when they are not even close to turning. Because of this I've outlined the basic symptoms in this chapter.

Weeks
•Remembering repressed memories
•Thinking of hurting loved ones
•Pulling away from loved ones
•Thinking of hurting yourself
•Plan of commiting suicide
•Frequently tired
•Easily irritable
•Reckless

Days

•Actually Inflictinting violence on loved ones
•Growing, glowing and/or darker mark
•Temporary paralysis
•Thoughts of murder
•Violent thoughts
•Slurred speech
•Bleeding eyes
•Blurry vision
•Paranoia

"Oh,"I uttered to myself. I don't know why this surprised me as much as it did. It's just that I didn't expect the day to come so soon. Even if I don't know when it's not long.

The irony of me feeling this burning devastation despite planning to die seemed to be pushing me over the edge.

Because I started laughing. This wasn't even close to being humorous. It was the furthest thing from it, but how could I react to this? So as I laughed I felt tears start pouring down my face.

Or blood.

I wiped my face to see red mixed with the salty tears. It was both. I was crying clear, salty tears while dark, crimson, almost black, blood mixed with it.

"I'm screwed,"I uttered, as sobs escaped my throat. Without a second thought I stood up and punched the wall behind me. Again and again.

Blood. Make yourself bleed.

Violence. Thoughts of violence. Pain. Thoughts of causing myself pain. Blood. I just want to bleed.

"FUCK!"I screamed, knowing nobody would hear me from here. Even if they did I don't know if I'd care. This isn't new to me. Ask the scars on my hands or my wrist that never healed right.

I heard something crack as looked to see the bone twisted even worse.

Questions. They'll ask questions.

Fuck them, and their questions!

Yeah. Fuck them. Everyone here deserves the worst. They rescued me when they could have had Minho. How do you screw up that badly? I said don't let this be for nothing, and what did they do? They broke their word. Everyone here is a liar.

So are you.

I wouldn't have to be if it wasn't for them.

"Fuck them!"I yelled, bashing my fist against the wall. After hearing another crack and something stab me I realized there was a hole there. The wood had splintered into my skin.

Now absolutely hysterical I dropped to my knees and buried my face in my hands. As I did I laughed like a maniac wile crying like someone mourning.

A brighter light shone in the room followed by a crack. Lightning and thunder. Even though it had been clear today it was now cloudy. That's when the rain started. Actually, no. It was storming. It was almost like the weather heard my agony, heard my rage, and decided to join me. Even though my storm had been brewing inside me since I was born this one was spontaneous. Maybe the sky just wanted to mock my grief. Maybe instead of crying for my it was laughing.

Both of them don't seem like real thoughts, but this doesn't feel even the smallest bit real.

Neither do I, and maybe I never should have been.

I know very well if it wasn't for Minho I would have gotten rid of myself already. The problem is he is there. Minho is trapped so I have to try to be there until the end.

In the meantime I can't show how bad this really is. I can't afford to be a distraction.

You can't afford for them to try and stop you.

I know. The sooner I die the better. It's what needs to happen.

That's that. That's reality, and reality is cruel. It's cold. It doesn't care how good of a person you are. It will ruin you if it wants.

You already knew that though.

I know. Deep down I always knew that. I always knew I was a monster.