Secrets I Keep (Book 2. of A Beautiful Distraction)

23) All I Want

I woke up to a blinding light. As I slowly become aware of my surroundings I realized someone's hand was in mine. I looked to see Aris fast asleep beside me.

I took in his features like I was meeting him for the first time again. He looked exhausted covered in bruises and bandaged up cuts. His messy, brown hair was covering his eyes. He looked just as perfect as when I first laid eyes on him and everytime since, only older and clearly having been put through more.

He must have felt my gaze because he stirred before opening his eyes. I gave his hand a squeeze, and he did the same as he stood up.

"How are you feeling?"He asked, glancing over me.

"Tired,"I admitted.

"Yeah. You've been out for a while,"He informed me.

"How long?"I wondered.

"About three days. We figured it was because of the cure,"He explained.

"So it's gone then? The mark?"I asked, looking at my arm. Sure enough it was nothing but my Y/S/C skin. There wasn't a single sign that I had even had been an Irreparabiliss Monstrum besides the injuries.

"Yeah. It is,"He answered, smiling down at me. I returned one just as bright.

"How long have you been here?"I asked, still trying to take everything in.

"Three days,"He shrugged. In just two words I think I may have just fallen more in love. That once didn't feel possible, but neither did a lot of things that happened. One of them being the fact that we had finally made it to safety, and I definitely wouldn't have it wasn't for his persistence and his inability to let me go.

"I figured out when I was supposed to read the letter,"He admitted.

"When?"I tested.

"You thought you were going to die. It was a goodbye letter."

"So did you open it after I didn't die?"

"No. I swore on us, and I wasn't going to break it."

"Well since I'm not dying now's as good of a time as ever."

He carefully ripped the envelope and pulled out the pages. Even though I couldn't see the words I knew every last part by heart. There had been far too much to say in so little time, and I wasn't going to miss a single one.

Dear Aris Jones,
The plan when I met you for the second time was simple. Don't get attached to the seemingly random boy who was just supposed to be a partner. Instead, I had fallen in love with you all over again. That's the proof of soulmates. Us. Because even after being separated time and time again we always made our way back to each other. When they called my name all I could think was that I was leaving someone else I care for behind.

Then, I actually received my memories. Each one was a rollercoaster of emotions, but one thing was the same. From silent tears, to quiet laughs, they all connected to the same path. They all connected to you.

The anger I had felt when I first laid eyes on you after that wasn't really anger. I just didn't understand how you always came back to me. Even though I was technically a stranger it's almost like you knew that wasn't true. In a way I think you felt the pull I did that showed that I was your girl. Just like when we were innocent kids, confused teenagers, and, and whatever the hell we are now. Even after this I'll forever be your girl.

You have done so much more than you know. You always tried to understand what was going in inside my head, and you did. You knew the exact words to say and knew how I was feeling before I did. You saw through me as if I were glass.

You've saved my life time and time again. You wouldn't shut up in the Scorch about my ankle. You wrapped my bloody knuckles. You ran into a WICKED train to save me. You headed straight to them just so you could protect me. You've done nothing but save me over and over.

You can't save me from myself though. Even though I know that you're going to try it's not something anybody can do so don't you dare blame yourself. You gave me a life worth living while I could. Death is guaranteed but meeting somebody who would die for you and who you would give the world for isn't. I found that though, and it all came from you. You gave me something to believe in.

I want you to know that I'm not scared. Not of death. What scares me is the thought of having to live a life surrounded by pain that nobody can fix. I don't want to be capable of hurting you without a second thought. Turning would mean having for forget you, and I couldn't stand to do that because so far I haven't. Maybe I forgot your face, but I would never be able to erase the feelings you give me. Of comfort, safety, trust, love, and the way that even if I try I could never stay away from you.

I would give up anything for us to have more time, but we don't. I was doomed from the start. I need you to know that I've accepted that because I know what comes before it. Taking my last breath while remembering who matters most to me.

If by chance I end up hurting you in a way only a monster could please find a way to forgive me because that's not who I am. Remember me as the girl who wanted you and you only. Remember me as the girl who holds your hand when you're afraid. Remember me as the girl who wanted a life with you. Remember me as the girl who won't let anyone touch you. Remember me as the girl who loves you.

Because right now I remember you. I remember you as the boy who used to read to me. I remember you as the boy who won't let me destroy myself. I remember you as the boy who does everything he can to look after the people who matter. I remember you as the boy I had once sworn I would have the last name of. I remember you as the boy who became my unexpected light in the dark.

I'm in love with you Aris. You've stolen my heart, and I never want it back.

Love,
Y/N

"And I would do it again. I wouldn't change anything if it leads back to this,"He whispered as I sat up and looked at the way perfectly refolded the letter the way it had been.

"I wouldn't either,"I swore.

"I don't actually have a ring or even a clue of what I'm supposed to do, but I'm never losing you again. It's happened one too many times, and I can't let it happen again. I can't wait any longer. I know we're young, but I also know what I want. I need you by my side forever. I love you. So Y/N, will you marry me?"

I froze as I took in his words. For once, I was actually speechless. What do you even say to something so heartfelt from someone who means so much?

"Yes Aris. With all of my heart yes. I will marry you,"I squealed, regaining my senses. Standing up, I tightly threw my arms around him. He hugged back without a second thought.

Just like that everything was how it was supposed to be. With me and him forever just like we promised.

He kept it, and this was the most important one. It was my favorite one.

It was the one that would give me everything I want, and all I want is him.