Shameless - lestappen

12- Born To Die

Choose your last words, this is the last time
'Cause you and I, we were born to die

- Lana Del Rey

12

GP Monaco 2022

Charles Leclerc

"And I don't know why, but I agreed to give him a second chance.

I conclude by staring with dismay at my best friend. Pierre looks at me without understanding my reaction.

- That's a good thing, right? He wants to apologize and make it up to you.

- I don't know... I'm afraid he'll use me, hurt me again... and yet I still want to trust him, I want to trust him but... I don't know if I can.

- Give yourself time, what he did to you is intolerable and hard to digest, it's natural that you have doubts. But honestly Charles, I don't see why he would do that to you again.

- And why not?

- He lost everything after sending the photos to the media. All his friends turned their backs from him. No driver has spoken to him since the incident. The only interaction he has is when you come to him looking for an argument.

- He just didn't have to do to me what he did.

- What he did is unacceptable, but he did not deserve to be left by everyone. It's been two years and I think everyone has the right to be forgiven.

-  Sound like you're on his side.

- You're my best friend, and I'd always respect your choices, but I think reconciling with him would be good for both of you.

- Anyway, I said I was coming, I already accepted the Dutchman's request, I can't really go back now."

I end up turning on the TV and putting on our show.

I love weekends in Monaco, I spend them at home with my loved ones, I just have to take my bike down the streets to the racetrack. That's nice.

I'm particularly stressed this time. My mind is obsessed with our conversation last week with the Dutchman. I'm trying to figure out where he's taking me, and why he's got like this all of a sudden.

Maybe he wants to get closer to me to make sure I don't tell anyone about his secrets? He's just afraid that I'll take revenge, that I'll tell everyone he's diabetic, that he's in a secret relationship with a man...

Deep down, there's a small part of me that hopes that's not why he wants to gain back my trust.

The Monaco Grand Prix weekend passes at a crazy pace. I'm being solicited from everywhere and I don't have a single second's respite.

It allows me not to think about what awaits me at the end of the weekend.

The race is going well, much better than the previous week, reassuring of course.

I finish fourth. I am disappointed not to be on the podium, I look at the three drivers celebrated with a pinch in my heart.

I hope to be in their place one day, here in Monaco, at home.

I go home right after the race and interviews are over. I spend a long time in the shower trying to stop thinking too much and relax a little bit.

I look at the different costumes I own, not knowing which one to choose. I'm not good at style and fashion, but I don't want to look like a poorly dressed idiot.

I end up wearing a rather simple grey suit. Chic but not too formal, goes everywhere.

I spend a long time in front of my mirror. I've never paid so much attention to the way my hair lays on my head.