Shameless - lestappen

18- Before You Go

I fell by the wayside, like everyone else
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
But I was just kidding myself

- Lewis Capaldi

18

Max Verstappen

"We need to talk."

Of course, I knew this moment was coming. There was so much unsaid between him and I. So many conflicting emotions, envy and forbidden things. 

And then there was my betrayal, which stood like a wall between us.

I knew it had to happen, but I felt my heart beating faster in spite of everything.

"What do you want to talk about?

- I need to trust you and... I need answers.

Charles' green eyes are on me. His face is calm but serious.

- What do you want to know?

- I want you to explain to me why you outed me because the more I get to know you, the more insane it seems to me coming from you.

I stare at my hands, he always comes back to the same subject. I have to tell him the truth. He has a right to know. But I don't want to talk to him about the video.

- That night, when you texted me to come over, I was with Armand.

I felt Charles tense at the mention of Armand.

- He saw my messages, I suppose?

I nod in response.

- I really wanted to join you, but I turned you down for obvious reasons, and then he told me to go. I got ready and went to the club. And I saw you...

I stop talking, stoped by Charles's intense gaze at me and by the memory resurfacing in my mind.

Charles smiling in the crowd, more authentic than ever, more desirable than ever.

- I didn't know you came.

His voice is low, his gaze darkens slightly with a new emotion.

- I... I stayed at the bar, I wanted to... join you after I'd had enough drinks to... be brave... and I thought you were beautiful that night and... I took pictures of you.

- So that's where the photos of the articles came from.

- I promise I just wanted a memory of you, to capture you in that chaos... you were different... yourself.

- I believe you, what happened next?

- I tried to reach you, but you were kissing Armand... so I stayed away, watching you. When you went to the bathroom, He came to see me. He blackmailed me to send the photos to the media. I promise you, Charles, I didn't have a choice... I didn't want to do this, but... he didn't give me a choice... I feel so bad for not being able to defend myself... for not being able to defend you."

Charles doesn't look at me anymore. He's completely lost in his thoughts. And I feel like shit remembering what I did.

After all, it's my fault that Armand has a video of me. Charles didn't ask for anything, he should never have suffered the consequences of my abusive relationship. If I hadn't been so weak and naive, maybe things would have happened differently.

"Charles, I am...

I raise my arm to put my hand on his and try to bring him back to reality but suddenly his eyes plunge into mine.

- Max."

Next thing I know, I'm wrapped in the arms of my rival. My forehead against his chest and his arms closing me against him.