Shameless - lestappen

26- Little Lion Man

You're not as brave as you were at the start

- Mumford & Sons

26

Max Verstappen

"I'm sure you'd prefer if he kept raping me and I didn't react. I'm sorry that for the first time, I managed to find the strength to push him away. I never wanted him to end up like that, but he didn't have any pity for me, not once in three years."

I'm so angry that I don't realize right away that I just spoke out loud, revealing the depth of my thought and the most traumatic event of my life to all the drivers on the grid.

It is only when the eyes freeze and block up on the faces of the Formula One drivers that I understand that everyone has heard.

I can't move, I didn't want to tell them that. That was my secret.

I feel an arm roll over my shoulders and shoot me against a familiar torso. Daniel.

I hide my face against him so the others don't see me suffocating.

The silence in the room is starting to get stifling and I feel like I have trouble breathing. I'd like to disappear, I wish all of this  never happened.

"Max never outed on me by the way. That asshole in the hospital did it that night."

Charles' voice brings me back to reality. I feel people moving and Daniel's arms tighten around me. I'm holding on to him a little more.

"Can everyone please come out, I think you have enough information to choose whether or not to sign this petition now."

The chairs move and the voices rise in complete chaos. I feel my heart beating way too fast and I'm short of breath. I'm starting to panic.

It is only when everyone, or almost everyone, has left the room that Daniel's arms release me and the air becomes breathable again.

Pierre is sitting not far from me and looks at me with a sad look.
I see the anxious look of Charles as he approaches me.

"I'm sorry Max, I didn't think you'd have to go to this point to change their minds...

- It's nothing. They would have found out anyway. "

I don't like lying, I actually have a stomachache. I saw how their looks at me changed when I said the word. I don't want their look at me to change, I don't want them thinking of me as a victim. I don't want them to think I'm weak.

"Can we talk a little? Ask Daniel gently.

I cross his eyes, he seems completely disturbed and very bad.

- I just want to say something to Charles in private first.

 - All right. Daniel gets up to leave the room.

Charles frowns.

- I'll have to leave you, my engineer's waiting for me, Max, if you need anything, you can count on me.

- Thank you Pierre, really."
The Frenchman smiles at me and shakes his head before leaving the room.

When the door closes, and it is just Charles and I, I approach him and his hands naturally come to rest on my hips.

"How do you really feel, Max?

- Not so good, I didn't want to talk to them about it.

- I imagine, I'm sure they'll be very understanding about the situation.

- Yeah, but I'm afraid they're sorry, I don't want them looking at me with a sad face, I need something positive in my life.

Charles' hands tighten on my hips and gently draw me closer to him.