Shameless - lestappen

29- Fix you

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

- Coldplay

29

Charles Leclerc

I need a moment to figure out what's going on.

I open my eyes, the daylight is already filtering through the curtains of the room, I'm a little lost, wondering what woke me up.

A few seconds pass and I come to my senses a little bit. I'm in my hotel room. I had a drink last night.

I move to a more comfortable position but my back collides with something, or rather someone. 

I frown before relaxing and suddenly remembering that it was Max, who joined me a few hours earlier.

I close my eyes to go back to sleep when I suddenly hear Max speaking in his sleep in Dutch.

" laat me alleen. Laat me alstublieft! Ga weg, ik smeek je... " (leave me alone! Leave me please... Go away, I'm begging you...)

I listen attentively to the Dutchman shaking beside me in his sleep.

Eventually he comes to a standstill and calm returns to the room.

Until heartbreaking sobs break the silence.

I feel my heart breaking a little inside of me and I quickly turn on my bedside lamp before facing Max.

His eyes are closed, but tears still flow. His eyebrows are frowned and his body seems tense in an expression of fear.

I can imagine very well the kind of nightmares he must be having and it hurts me so much.
I put my hand on his shoulder and draw small circles on it with my fingers.

"It's just a nightmare, Max, I promise you, you're safe here with me."

His face relaxes a bit but the tears continue to flow down his cheeks.

I put my lips on his forehead to kiss him tenderly and reassure him. I run my other hand through his hair, gently bringing him back to reality. It's almost time to get up anyway.

"My love, this is not reality, you have to wake up from your nightmares. "

Max finally opened his eyes. They are red by his tears. He sniffs and runs a hand over his face.

His body is shaking from head to toe. This brings me back to the night I found him on the street in Monaco, completely broken.

"Charlie? "

His voice resonates faintly in the room.

- It's me, Max, it's all right, it was a nightmare...

I'm trying to reassure him as much as I can.

He reacts to the sound of my voice and runs his arms around me to cling to me. I put my hands behind his back, caressing him gently to relax him. He puts his head against my chest.

- I had a... flashback... it was so realistic...

He whispers weakly and I feel my heart squeeze painfully. I can still feel him shaking under my fingers.

- You're not with him now, Max, you're safe, he can't come near you, and I'm here. It will never happen to you again.

I try to speak softly to him despite the anger that still lingers in me for the monster that dared to cause so much harm.

- I know all that, but... it's hard to forget... I really want to be able to put him behind me, stop him from impacting my relationship with you...

- You're gonna make it, you're one of the strongest people I know, I know you can move on, no matter how long it takes, I'm not in a hurry, and I'm here, always.