adhura pyaar ┃abhira (3.0)

heartaches

Abhimanyu had faced many tragedies in life, all in which he was left to fill the broken void of everyone's soul. His emotions were always out of control when he faced a big loss, fear permanently etched in his heart. 

When he was a kid, he looked up to his father. He had wanted to be just like him - strong, powerful and above all kind. Until his star eyed facade came crashing down. It started slowly, he would realize that his parents weren't as affectionate as his friend's parents were, but then again no one in his family was so he brushed it off. There was a lot of screaming and crying that filled his room at night, he used to close his eyes and pretend he was asleep because he needed to know what their fights were about - knowing that if he claimed to be awake they would send him to sleep with Parth bhaiya. 

"i love you abhimanyu" 

those words in his father's voice resounded in his head every now and then. Yet to this day, he still doesn't know how true they were. His father had relentlessly provided a living hell for his mother, and had affairs behind her back while expecting her to stay mute. His anger issues stemmed from there,  another thing he could thank his father for. 

When he had finally realized the horror the truth was about his parents and most importantly his father, he was forced to grow up. There was no love around him while growing up, though he was loved to some extent by his family there was always something else. 

He was always the second choice. Good but never good enough to be first. 

That was the primary reason he detested love and marriage. It only led to downfall, and a part of him that was hidden away under the all powerful non-tearing facade of the great dr abhimanyu birla - that he would always be second choice. 

His mother loved him, but his father always came first for her. She always used to disregard Abhimanyu and vouch for his father, but then again he couldn't really blame her. Everyone else in his family had someone else, and his father valued his selfishness over him. 

Being a surgeon brought him joy and filled his life with a meaning, he was forever indebted and loyal to his profession. And for a long time that was enough. Then came Akshara, she had surprised him in every way. He had fallen for her hard and fast but the troubles that followed them soon after caused another tear in his heart to form. 

He became another second choice. 

Her family and sister came before him and he had promised himself in the past that he wouldn't let something like that happen and that he had been through enough as a child. But when he told Akshara he loved her, he meant it with every fibre in his body. He also understood that she had faced enormous childhood trauma in the past, and he made it his mission to help her or find help for her. 

Yet a tiny voice had always told him, he was the second choice and that he wasn't good enough. 

It came true, but not because she had left him, it was because he just wasn't good enough. He was broken enough and made it worse, letting his anger blind him as he got rid of the one good thing in his life. He thinks back to that day a lot, and he feels if half the circumstances of his mother, his family, and the past memories weren't there - he might have reacted differently been more calmer. 

But he knows all that tells him is that Akshara deserves better, she deserves someone that isn't broken. 

Then his son came, and he had always wanted to be the best father. To break the cycle and give all the love and affection that he had lacked in his childhood, but bitterly the universe once again proved that he came second even to his own son.