A sinful love Travis Phelps x reader

Birds

Travis sat in the courtyard leaned against a tree. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his arms were crossed as he pulled at strands of his hair. His breaths were shaky but he hadn't tried to straighten it out.

Who the hell does Jasper think he is? He has no right to butt into Travis' nonexistent problems. And even if he did have problems, which he doesn't, they barely talk so why would Jasper be worried about him anyway?

Travis doesn't like boys, and he especially doesn't like Y/n. Y/n would hate him if he did. Y/n probably does hate him. He understands why; he isn't too fond of himself either.

Besides, liking a boy as a boy is weird. Travis, hypothetically, liking boys is weird. Maybe his problems would be solved if he just stopped talking to Y/n; or any guy for that matter. He doesn't hang out with many people so it wouldn't be much of an issue.

No. He knows it wouldn't fix anything. It would probably make things worse, if he's being honest. He doesn't know what else to do, though. He's tried fixing himself before Y/n even came to Nockfell.

He's prayed, but God never answered or helped him. He's taken his feelings out on others, which just made him feel guilty. He's even tried dating girls, though that only made him miserable in the time that he did. No matter what he did, he couldn't get the unnatural thoughts of his best friend out of his mind.

Travis lessened his grip on his hair and looked up to the leafs on the tree he leaned on. His eyes were red and he cleared his throat as he listened to a lone bird sing on an unseen branch. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander, no longer having the energy to keep it from doing so. Feelings were something he couldn't control; and he hated that fact. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't.

He opened his eyes once again and clinched his jaw. Why couldn't he just be normal like most everyone else he knew? Why was it so hard for him to just be normal? It was easy for everyone else, why couldn't it be easy for him? Why did God have to make him this way? What'd he do wrong?

As far as he's aware, he hasn't done anything outlandish to deserve these feelings. Maybe it's because of the times he's disappointed his father. He never meant to and he wishes he hadn't. But what's done is done, and he can't ever take it back. Perhaps this is just his punishment.

It will go away eventually, right? He'll stop having these sinful thoughts eventually. He thinks he will. He knows he will, even if he has to force them to go away. But he knows that day isn't today; and he hates it.

Travis knows if Y/n ever found out he'd never want to talk to him ever again. Who would want to be friends with a queer who wanted to do unholy things with them? He's glad Y/n hasn't figured it out yet, though he's annoyed that Jasper has. Jasper has found out something that could be used against Travis and very much might be; and that's terrifying.

He doesn't know what he'd do if that happened. And it's a thing he'd rather not think about. What's the chance that Jasper could be that big of a douche? Though, he supposed he thought the same thing about Fenix. He just won't let his guard down, that's what he'll do. Not like he ever let it down anyway.

He knows he'll have to talk to Y/n eventually, he just hopes he doesn't have to explain why he hasn't been. He's never been very good at lying, so he doesn't know what he'll say if the question were to come up. Saying he was just overstimulated definitely won't work, but it's the only thing he can think of at the moment. Maybe he just won't speak to Y/n until he can think of an explanation.

Travis puts his arms down and he runs his fingers through the grass. Apologizing sooner rather than later is definitely the better option, but that can wait until tomorrow at least. He just wants to be alone until he has to go home. Maybe he could get advice from his mother, she always knows what to say to people.

Yeah, that's what he'll do. The leafs rustle and the lone calls from the bird were now in harmony with another bird. Travis softly smiles before taking a deep breath and standing up. He doesn't know how long he's been in the courtyard but he doesn't care. Not right now. Though, that fact will probably bite him in the ass pretty soon.

He puts his hands in his pockets and walks towards the door to the hallway. He listens to the birds for a moment longer before going back inside.

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Shorter chapter but I have no more ideas for it. Kinda feeling like doing something mischievous but I don't know if I'm gonna. 🤭

I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes.

Have a good day/night, my dear.