Fanmade|TK

two

JUNGKOOK

I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was haunted with thousands of different thoughts that kept telling me one thing:

It's not the same anymore.

Taehyung's and my friendship had always been pure, the best friendship I could ever have wished for in my life.

But I can't help but notice a few things have begun to be different. To feel different.

I am pretty sure, growing up and living together for so long changes people and definitely also friendships. It shouldn't worry me that much that things may have changed. I mean, I got to know Taehyung when I was fourteen, I am twenty three now. There has been enough room for changes in our friendship during that time.

Taehyung and I have always had a stronger bond to each other, it is no secret. He was always unbelievably caring of me. When we were still teenagers, he was the one who broke me out of my shy cocoon and literally paved the way so I became who I am today.

While I always appreciated all these things, someday it became normality. I got used to them and now, I begin to notice them again.

Things that used to be so common and unimportant, suddenly begin meaning simething to me. They stand out like marked with the brightest yellow neon marker out there.

Eye contact, for example. Eye contact is normal, you have it with everyone sometimes. But it doesn't feel the same with everyone and in my case, it doesn't feel the same with Taehyung anymore. For some stupid reason, looking into his eyes makes me want to be drowning in them.

Compliments. Hell, none of the members holds back from giving compliments to each other, it's such a usual and normal thing. I give compliments to all of them all of the time and vice versa.

But Taehyung's compliments, oh boy, they hit different. Right in the gut.

And it could be the same thing I hear every day, like you look good, once it comes out of Taehyung's mouth though, it keeps repeating in my head for the rest of the day.

There is more than that. It is not limited on only compliments and eye contacts. The tone in his voice, the touches, the acts. Everything keeps fucking confusing me.

I do not understand what all of this is about, all I know is, I want to stop thinking this way about Taehyung. I want everything to go back to how it was. Whatever this chaos within me means, whatever unleashed it, I am begging for it to get encaged again.

Everything had been perfect between the two of us, I'm afraid that what is happening with me can destroy all of it.

So, I think cooling it down with our interactions might be a good idea. Until I figure this out.

I wonder if he had noticed that I am being different.

TAEHYUNG

"Do you think he has noticed that I am acting different?"

"Taehyung, can we please sleep. We'll have to wake up early tomorrow," Jimin sleepily mumbled into his, my, pillow.

I asked him to sleep over in my room today, because after digging up about my feelings for Jungkook again, I knew that falling asleep would be difficult. I'd rather have my best friend suffering with me, than suffering alone. Besides, he is the only one that knows about my secret, so he is the only option that I have.

"I'm scared he will notice and then confront me or something. What should I tell him then?"

"For starters, you could confess," Jimin responded, with the same sleepy voice. The thought of ever revealing my feelings to Jungkook strikes me every single time. There is too much that could go wrong and I am not strong enough to risk it.

"Very helpful of you."

"I am being serious," he began, his voice more clearer now, "You know Jungkook. He would never resent you for anything, especially not for liking him, right? The worst thing that could happen, is that he would stop talking to you."

"And again, that's very helpful of you." Though I brushed it off with sarcasm, Jimin's words had made me shudder. Not talking to Jungkook sound like what hell could offer.

"I mean, that Jungkook can't live without talking to you. He is not the type of human that throws away years of friendship because the other party has caught feelings for him. You know him well enough to know that he would settle things his own way, without making anything awkward. That, if he doesn't like you back, of course."

The last part almost made me snort. Jungkook is the definition of surprise, but one that thing that will never, for sure ever, happen, is him reincorporating my feelings. "You forgot that he is straight."

"I mean, everyone thinks we are straight, too. Maybe Jungkook is also simply keeping his sexuality a secret. He could be bi."

Until now, he had only been going out with women though. It's hard to believe he all of the sudden came to the realization that he is into men too.

"You are being ridiculous."

"It's one in the morning, Taehyung. What are you expecting from me?" Jimin was back to sounding half asleep and I thought this was the moment to let him free. I wished him a good night, that he probably had not caught on anymore and tried to close my own eyes and catch some sleep.

Which, like I had expected, was not working.

I had two options. Either I keep thrashing around in bed and spend the whole night sleeplessly swimming through my thoughts, or I do something that distracts me.

...

Second option it is. There is nothing huge I had thought about, besides going downstairs, drink some cold water and then maybe take a short walk.

So that's what I did; put on my jacket and carefully and quietly left my room and go downstairs.

Though my plan didn't work, when the light in the kitchen was turned on. And Jungkook was leaning against the counter, drinking water, too.