Wait For Me - Kaveh x Alhaitham (Modern College AU)

Chapter Sixteen - Dear Diary, To My Lover

Alhaitham's Diary. September 11th, 2023:

I suppose it was about time I started writing down my thoughts and feelings on this matter. I've never expressed my feelings on paper like this before, so please excuse me if I execute this wrongly, diary. Yesterday, my lover found out about my ailment. He told me I should be more upset, should I not be as calm as I am at this moment? I suppose I should be. If not grief-stricken for myself, perhaps for Kaveh. He seems to be taking it fairly well despite the few moments of constant tears. Yet, despite that, what reason do I have to feel dismay on the subject? Memento mori, the latin term, sums it up quite fittingly. Death is inevitable, for every living thing on this earth.

If it were to happen to me, why delay the inevitable? I suppose there is a small chance, yes, that I may survive this chronic disease, but it's the slimmest of chances. That's just my perspective on the situation though. As the subject of the grim predicament I'm in, my thoughts and views on it may as well be messed up from the shock of knowing I'll cease to exist in a month or so. It's a shame, really. I thought I had some potential for immense success. I'm almost done with my studies, I have a special someone (who'd make an excellent spouse. Perhaps I'll confess), and in my honest opinion, have the intelligence to strike it big. Yet that potential is lost, it's a shame the doctor's couldn't have caught it sooner.

I feel ashamed, I suppose, that Kaveh is feeling my feelings for me. I'm still trying to process all of this for myself. I love him so much. It took me a long while to truly figure that out for myself, but all along I definitely knew my adoration for the man. He has an amount of character I could never imagine myself possessing. Potential is not all logistics and smarts, it's about character. I do feel as though I do have a few mental ailments that may restrict me from that, but I refuse to accept that nor mention it too deeply. Kaveh has all the character in the world, he has true potential, he has the intelligence, and I know he'll make it big. Ah I've been rambling on about him too much. And I do believe writing these feelings out have been... refreshing. I do have a note for Kaveh, if he ever chose to read this after my passing.

Dearest, Kaveh,

I wish you only the best. Please continue to live out the life I couldn't. That's all I wish for you.