Candid Heartstrings

Struggling Happily

"You're struggling, doesn't mean you're unhappy
You're success, doesn't mean you're happy "

~Aarushi/Saffy 2023

My recent experiences in life has taught me that. Starting with a new chapter of my life, where I have allowed to expose myself to growth. to feel emotions freely, to express myself freely, to choose for myself and live for myself. I have planned to give myself a year for me... Apparently, life doesn't always goes your way, which was why, to maintain family peace, i had to sacrifice one of my choices that made me feel that I was fullfiling my previous version's wishes, that I am my own person. The choice I had made, had a lot of struggles.

But what made those struggles bearable was the fact, I chose them. They represent my freedom. They make me strong, better, and filled me with a sense that I am my own person, living my own choices and desires, including the struggles with it, VOLUNTARILY 
And believe me, I was struggling a lot, and felt that I was holding others back and going behind my family's back for it. But yeah, despite the immense struggle and pain, I was happy. Dead due to exhaustion, struggling, overwhelmed all the time, but happy. 

So you see, as opposed to world's opinion, success doesn't mean happiness and struggles doesn't mean unhappiness. At times, we are the most happy when we were struggling than when we were success

I still believe it doesn't make sense so, let me go on about that experience. The choice I made was being a part of a western dance society in college. That society was goal oriented, dead serious, military like. They didn't allow us to go to classes, made us practice 9am to 6;30 pm daily (beginning it was 9 to 2 then it got extend to 9 to 5 and then it got extended to 9 to  6:30pm). The workout was three hours and rest would be dance workout for grooves and others would be the steps. One isn't allowed to take a holiday even when you have a fever. You're supposed to come, you may sit or sleep but you're supposed to come. You're not supposed to stop till you're told to. Like we had done back rock one entire 3 min song. Bounce on 4-5 songs with few seconds break when the songs end. We had ruthless training. Not only that, the college studies taken a back seat, we also had to face discrimination because we never attend the classes. 

I had even practiced when I had headache, felt dizzy, had vomited and what all not. 
But trust me, I loved that struggle....... Because I was free. I know that people don't see that as freedom but we all are from different backgrounds with different personality and dreams and Aspirations and that's okay. 

but I had to leave that society after two months, because my father refuses to let me take part in any of the competitions that would be held outside the premises of my college and none of the reassurance I did worked on him. My college is in the most famous unsafe city in India. My father wants me to follow his goal and dream of me becoming an IAS.... so of course he had NO IDEA OF THE CLASSES I MISSED, It was just the intercollege competitions that sometimes even extend over 7pm (which i couldn't afford because then my father would come to know of the same)

So basically
I was happy in the dance society despite it's struggles and rules

Success in life- money, job, don't mean anything to me. Not when it's the job I want to pursue. 

I'd rather choose my own struggle than screw myself with someone's idea of success.....

But not everyone has a choice, so for those who do....Please realize, be grateful and live it