younger self

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Dear younger me,
You didn't deserve what you went through.
You were misunderstood for your actions,
You were bullied,
You were isolated.

People said that she was quiet,
So she started speaking a lil more.
Then she was shut down because she spoke a lot.

She wasn't interested in other's life much.
Not even her parent's.
They asked her to not be that way,
So she tried to be interested.
She asked questions about their life,
But they snapped at her.
So in her head she thought that
If she asked questions,
They would taunt her.
So now she stopped asking them anything.

She wasn't the type who shared the events of her day.
They didn't appreciate that behavior of hers,
So she tried to share stuff.
But every time she shared something,
They didn't understand her,
Instead they said what she did was wrong.
So now she stopped sharing anything.

They said don't get too close to your male classmates
After they saw her pics with them.
Little did they know that she herself was scared of men
And was just trying to overcome her fear
By taking a leap of faith.
They think that she's a slut.
They don't like her speaking to her male classmates much.
So now she speaks to very few of them.

"Don't read this book,
Don't eat this,
Don't wear this,
Don't watch this,
Don't take this course,
Don't laugh like that,
Don't eat like that,
Don't speak like that,
Don't behave like that,
Don't do this and don't do that"

I'm sick of this.

They try to control my life.
I hate being told what to do,
When to do
And how to do.
I'm tired of explaining how different I am from them.
But they just want me to be a copy of them,
A person with no sense of individuality,
Someone who shares their same ideas and thoughts.

I am a whole separate entity.
I am so different from them.
My thoughts don't align with theirs
And they dislike me for that.

All these incidents made you strong they say,
But I was only a child.
I didn't have to be strong.
I had to be protected,
And I wasn't.

I want to give my younger self a hug
For being so strong and surviving.
She was so brave.
For when I think of my childhood,
The first image that comes to my mind
Is her face which has a bright smile on it.
I still can't believe how she was always so happy
Even with so much shit happening.
I was a kid,
Maybe I didn't know I was going through shit at that time.
But now, as an adult,
When I think of it,
I know that what I went through was not normal.

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