"do you know how suffocating this is?"
I'm drowning in a bottomless void. The light at the end of the tunnel is merely an illusion. Like the Icarus, flying closer to the Sun only to be burnt by it at the end. Yet flying closer to the Land makes the fall inevitable. So I fly and fly until my wings break and I brace for the fall.
A field of jasmines would make the landing safer yet I fall into blue rivers. And ironic enough, I am unable to swim. Thus, sapphire waves consume me, pressure cutting my breath. Is it the end? Is death as plain as they describe? What happens on the other side?
Born alone, dead alone. Such a blessing it is, not to die alone! Surrounded by loved ones; a family. Funnily enough, my demons encourage me to stay hopeful; someone indeed will appear. That will desire me wholly. Filling the emptiness, just the right fit. Like the rain, my tears fall,l without a reason to cease.
Why it is a challenge to reach an inner peace for the soul? I love the way it is content on its own; why the mankind is cursed to have a need to feel accepted? I indeed enjoy the way I hold myself, yet why it is not enough? Why I imagine someone's embrace, making me reach heaven? I love my arms around me, but it feels not whole. I do see my efforts, appreciate, and reward myself. I am trying my hardest to achieve the best; it is eating me alive. I love the pain as it results in a greater pleasure. But at night all alone, my soul begs for salvation.
Is doing good deeds and waiting for afterlife meaning of life? The world is a test and we do live a series of joyful moments, yet in the end why do we exist? My soul is burdened, blocking out my heart.
I do not require any body to save me, however, I would not mind to be rescued from the loneliness. Loneliness of not confinding in anyone. For years.
