I think I have a favorite book after all. Or it gets me so well that I need to reread it every five years. Is it the desert theme that yearns me, or the spiritual realm? The desert is so mesmerizing, golden sand grains at night, with stars twinkling above.
Do we read the omens correctly? Are they really signs or merely coincidences? As if I'm attempting at denying the signs, I need them to be false. Yet one after another they repeat the same message, seducing me to give in. My friends tell me to listen to the omens and stop running from the inevitable. Yet I keep ignoring until a bigger sign would arrive and fully convince me. Who am I to lie, my heart and my brain are at dissonance and can not come to a consensus.
My favorite quotes from the book:
"At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."
"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
"Fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand."
"The caravan and the desert speak the same language, and it's for that reason that the desert allows the crossing. It's going to test the caravan's every step to see if it's in time."
"And God rarely reveals future. When he does so, it is only for one reason: it's a future that was written so as to be altered."
"Because wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."
"The darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn."
"When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you, and even men can turn themselves into the wind."
"When we strive to become better than we are, we everything around us becomes better, too."
02.12.
The signs keep pointing in the direction I don't want to go. As if I am at a constant war with myself, playing with my limits. I keep asking for a new, more appropriate omen, yet I refuse to believe in what it shows.
There is unexplainable grief inside me, squeezing my guts. It feels like the burden of the whole world is crushing me down, drowning me in abyss. Adrenaline mixed with yearning, it's so confusing, I don't know how to feel. I want to cry until I am devoid of emotions. I will probably cry myself to sleep tonight in the hope to forget it all when the sun rises. To be held somewhere safe, in a cocoon without any worries. All week, I've been forcing myself to detach and it's driving me mad. It is too overwhelming, even solitude does not help to alleviate my state. I know the cure, yet I know as well I should not treat me this way. I am restraining myself too much to take a step in that direction. I want to leave everything behind and move somewhere where no one knows my name.
