I fall asleep and dream of him. I wake up and dream of him. He is entangled with my thoughts so deeply that I sometimes get lost between reality and illusion. The sweet addiction, leading me to his arms. Life feels a little different since that day, a little more, well, different.
I'm aching to my bones right now, whole body ablaze and unable to move from bed, yet the only thought in my mind is to be closer to him.
Even twenty four hours of separation is long enough. I still wake up every night without apparent reason. Is it my soul, yearning for him? I merely want this to be the one.
One of the things I am afraid of experiencing in this planet is me being in love. I have zero regrets, it is just that I am not used to see myself in such tenderness. It feels so calming, so in place; letting myself to be spoiled. I guess I have missed to be cared for like a little child.
I have troubles controlling my impulses, since when have I become so clingy? It is all roller coaster of emotions, the most vital is to live the present and let things develop by themselves. I am simply content that I have stopped resisting myself and embraced the part of me I have been avoiding for so long.
[03:27]
With him, I feel like I don't need to prove myself and can show my true self. Nothing he does or says makes me feel inferior, I feel so at home. And the way his gaze meets mine, I simply know it.
When we touch, it feels like the right thing to do. Peculiar familiarity of little intimate gestures, as if it is meant to be. I might be no better than a blushing schoolgirl probably, yet my inner child is eager.
It feels like our souls are made from the same matter, chaotic and harmonious at the same time. The aura, the tension, and the serenity in sync. I would probably listen to him all night and never get bored. I want to choose this* over and over again. Enjoying the affection, every little act as if it is a sign from the universe, assuring me.
Even when my body gives in to influenza in the middle of the night as of now, these are the only thoughts occupying my mind.
I do not know what future is meant to bring, that does not matter. All I know is that I am on a right track of accepting this thing between us. In a way, it is risky, regardless of whatever happens between us, I never want to lose him. It is so strange, the reasons why these "soft" thoughts arise. I want to spend my love on him; I have been already doing things I've never thought doing of. I want to experience every sensation with him, collect memories one by one.
*- collision, balance, a delicate combination of intensity of emotions. Might need to explain more in the upcoming chapters.
