Make it stop - Minsung

Chapter 15

"Minho?" Hyunjin called, breaking Minho from his daydream.

He walked and sat beside him on the couch.

"Yeah ?" Minho responded, gazing at him

"Felix needed a little pause, he went to eat something" Hyunjin explained

"No problem" He shrugged, head laying on the arm of the couch.

Hyunjin stayed silent for a moment, fidgeting with his fingers as he tried a few times to start a conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and Minho hummed in response

"We never talked about... what happened... And I really wanted to" He said, and Minho's blood froze every single time his members asked this.

He decided that they deserved explanations... So he turned to him, and nodded for him to ask anything.

"How is it...? How deep are you in that shit...?" He asked, uneasy

Minho chuckled at that. Dryly, though.

"It's an amazing feeling... Like you can overpower anything and be the best man this world has carried... Until the descent. Then you start feeling like pure shit, and it's more than mental. It's physical at some point" Minho explained with a wince

"Physical?"

"Your body shake and is heavy, your head hurts, everything's itchy, you can feel your heart beat in anxiety, your fingers tingling with cravings... And sometimes you feel nauseous, or like you'd vomit here and there" He continued

"That much ?" Hyunjin asked in shock.

"Maybe even more" He chuckled dryly, sighing loudly "And... I'm rather deep in my shit"

"How so?"

"I'm having a hard time going for 24 hours without taping. It's becoming a vital thing.. And... That's shitty"  

"How does that makes you feel?

"I feel like... I'm not even myself..." He stuttered, throat tightening "I have some outburst... Like the one I had with... you know"

"Jisung?" Hyunjin helped

"Yeah... And I'm slightly... terrified of myself" He admitted, looking at his lap in shame

"You know, Min" Hyunjin said, shuffling closer "You always had been an inspiration to me. Aside from the fact that you always took care of me like an elder brother would, you always knew what to say to me, or in fact, what to do so I could feel better. In hiatus, you have no idea how much my mind took me to some weird places, and everytime you would come at mine to dance with me and mindlessly talk about your life, it helped me alot. I'm sorry if I can't give you the same shoulder to cry on, but I really want to help you. I love you a lot, and I really wish you could see how much we all believe in you and your healing process" Hyunjin stated, as he watched how Minho's eyes filled with unshed tears.

"And maybe if you stop with your cocaine addiction you'll learn how to be a better dancer than be" Hyunjin added in a joke, and smiled when Minho laughed wholeheartdly at that.

"Say that once again and I'm using coke as flour next time I'll cook for you" Minho threatened, narrowing his eyes at the younger

"Damn, please no. Spare me with the junkie shit" Hyunjin joked along, and shielded himself when Minho playfully raised his head to fake a hit.

"Thanks Jinnie" Minho muttered "I needed that"

"I'm glad then"

He had been sober today. His nose was itchy for the substance, but he felt like he could still go on with his day and continue.

Withdrawal was the hardest thing he had ever done, and it hadn't even been 7 hours.

He sighed to himself, and knew he would do it.

Until he cross Jisung's path.

The sight of Jisung was unbearable. Every single time.

His sad eyes, almost not daring to look his way.

How could he look back at him and face the consequences of his actions ? How could he approach the latter and apologize when he thought he didn't deserve Jisung's care ?

He knew he had a strong passion for him, and he was terrified of how much his withdrawal would act towards the latter. Never again he wants to see Jisung's disappointed face, his fearful eyes, his pained closed face as he takes insults. Jisung didn't need to be around him, and Minho wasn't brave enough to say everything he had to say.

It seemed to be a simple thought, but it rose a stressful feeling, and his stomach churn.

The craving was back, and strong.

He ran to the bathroom, the only thing in his mind was to relieve the cravings. He couldn't take it.

He closed the toilets, breathing erratic, lips tingling in hyperventilation.

He shakily took his bag, ready to give up once again.

The second he brought his palm to his face, flash came to his eyes.

He reminisced image's of Jisung, pinned in his bathroom wall, his fearful eyes closing in desperation.

That was him, that was what he was doing to the one he loved the most.

Fear, Hurt, Disappointment.

Out of complete impulse, tears flowing from his eyes, he threw the bag in the toilets, flushing it right away with no thoughts in his head.

And as soon as he watched his precious bag swirl in the toilet bowl, realization hit him.

"Fuck" He yelled, falling on his knees as his eyes widened in terror. His stomach churned violently, making Minho fold as he hold his belly tightly, trying to stop the pain from throbbing.

It hurt too much.

Another breakdown washed all over him, weighting more with the fact he had just threw away his vital care.

He cried loudly, face planted on the toilet bowl as he tried to cope with the nauseous waves clashing throughout his body.

He texted his dealer, asking him to meet him as soon as possible.

Nothing could truthfully break him from his vice, and that hurt like a bitch.

"Ready, Min?" Chan asked softly

"Mmh" Minho said sitting up and wiping his eyes.

"Your eyes are swollen" Chan stated softly, sympathetically glancing at him.

"It's being hard" Minho only responded, shrugging as well.

He started feeling the habit of the q-tip, brushing in his mouth and nose, as he asked himself what he had done to end up in this fucked up situation.

When the light turned on, Minho laid back down, closing his eyes.

"You're strong, Min" Chan stated, kissing softly his forehead, before leaving the room.

On the other side, Jisung wasn't doing any better.

He laid in his bed, hugging his own body tightly as he missed feeling safe and sound.

He had been doing a good job escaping Chan's text of Minho's condition.

But maybe he had should tonight.

"Negative !!!! :)"