Make it stop - Minsung

Chapter 16

Jisung finally had a day off.

But as much as had been wanting it to have some time for himself, to have fun with his members and take care of some side matters, he couldn't bring himself to do anything.

The most effort he had done until now was leaving his bed to have a piss, but he went back to bed as soon as it was over, letting his heavy body lay back in the bed, as if it would change the course of his messed up life.

He was in a slump, and he hadn't been in one in years.

Last time he had been so depressed, he remembered Minho taking care of him. At the time, they still lived in the same dorm, and the latter would cook breakfast to him and bring it to his bed, as well as help him up and forcing to put some clothes on. When Minho was the kindest, he would bring Jisung to eat dinner out, only to push him out of their home for his sake.

Now, he didn't have Minho.

No breakfast, no dinners, no words of encouragment, no Minho at all.

So he preferred staying in his slump, in a deep numb where he would be comfortable. At least his mind could shut down.

What he wasn't proud of, was how the self-harm started again.

He had been so proud of stopping, he hadn't trace any line on his thighs for years.

And again, Minho had helped him so much through that process. For some time, he was even the only one who knew about this bad habit, mostly because of the fact he had been the only one witnessing his scars, but he always encouraged him, kissed them better, and praised him for stopping.

Later on, Changbin and Chan learnt about it. Jisung had been strong enough, accompanied by Minho, to open up to his closest brothers, and they felt so bad for not having realized before.

At some point, Jisung almost stopped self-harming only to hear Minho's praises. Call it toxic if you want, at least he stopped.

Well, he had stopped. Now it started again.

It was Changbin's day off as well, and the latter had been terribly worried for Jisung.

He knew the younger by heart, he knew even before him how sickeningly in love he was for the bunny boy, and he start to understand rather well when he was in his downs.

But now, it was worse than a down, and Changbin was terrified.

He thought for some time on how to approach him. He had no idea how to start a conversation about his mental health without the other pushing him away.

But when he saw that Jisung didn't dare to leave his room, he decided to go see by himself.

He opened the door, only to notice the lump under the covers that seemed to be his friend, and he sat beside him.

"Sung?" He called, shaking slightly his limp body.

"Mmh" He responded, not wanting to be disturbed

"Let's have a talk, mmh?" He offered, and Jisung stayed still for a moment.

After some time of thinking, Jisung raised his duvet, silently asking for his friend to join him.

Changbin chuckled, as he escalated in the bed to join Jisung. He slipped inside of the covers, and Jisung pulled it over themselves, hiding them.

"You've been crying ?" Changbin asked softly, noticing the wet pillow.

"Mmh" He nodded

"How are you feeling?" He asked, hand brushing his messy hair

"... Not good"

"Care to explain ?"

"... No" He muttered weakly "Don't wanna talk"

"Just answer yes or no then, okay?" Changbin offered

"Yea"

"You're sad?"

"Yea"

"Like really really sad ? Depressed" He asked cautiously

"Yes"

"Because of work?"

"Not really"

"Because of Minho?" He asked in a whisper, scared of his reaction

"...." Jisung didn't answer

"Yes?" 

"Mostly..." He admitted, voice weaker

"Okay" Changbin said, confirming his doubts "Is that why you don't want to move? You've entered a slump Hannie"

"Yea..."

"Are you hurting so much?" 

"Yes"

"Do you think it'll get better ?" 

"No"

"Okay. Is there something I can do ?" He asked desperately

"No"

"I want to help you" He insisted

"... How"

"I don't know, but I'll find out. Because you can count on me, alright?"

"Okay"

"Are you taking care of yourself...?" He asked cautiously, really wanting Jisung to open up directly.

"Not really..."

"Are you bathing ? Eating well ? Brushing your teeth ?"

"... Not really" Jisung responded shamefully

Changbin took a deep breath, before decided to dig in deeper.

"Jisungie, are you hurting yourself ?"

"..."

Only a sob escaped Jisung's mouth at this moment, and that shattered Changbin's heart. 

He cuddled him tightly, pulling him to his embrace and not leaving when Jisung's back started trembling with each sobs.

He knew his friend was having a hard time. He knew Jisung always had a hard time but was strong enough, but not now, and it was okay.

"Ji, you received a text" Changbin stated softly

A few hours have passed, and he still laid with him, softly caressing his back

"It's Chan" Jisung supposed

"Should I read it for you ?"

"Okay"

"He said 'negative', what does that mean?" Changbin asked confusedly

"Oh" He said, a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips "It means Minho didn't snort today"

"Oh... wow" Changbin responded, impressed.

"It's nice to hear" Jisung stated, his smile apparent now.

Changbin only looked at him, noticing how truthfully content he seemed to know Minho was trying to sober up. His reaction was so pure, even though Jisung was hurting because of him. Changbin couldn't.

"You've got a big heart, Ji" 

"Too big for myself only" Jisung sadly stated

"Come here" He said, pulling him closer in his embrace.