Make it stop - Minsung

Chapter 24

Jisung continued his little "night sessions", where he would leave his dorm at 2a.m, only to take care of a messy and disoriented Minho.

He felt odd about doing that. He was glad to be able to see him get better each times, and have those moments of slight affection where the latter was clingy. But the fact that he was taking care of someone who hurt still hurt him and still hadn't apologized threw him out.

He simply wished he could have some conversation or whatnot about it, but he was still scared of him. Scared of seeing him get angry all of a sudden, or scared he'll trigger him and make him break his sober streaks.

So he continued, silently. Without an apology or a thank you, but he did it.

At some point, Minho had come to the conclusion it wasn't a dream, and that the boy actually came in a weekly basis with the only purpose of helping him.

When he was half conscious, he would try to mutter words of apology, and words of gratefullness, which only came out mumbled and unaudible to the other. It frustrated him, mostly because he knew he wasn't able to do it as soon as the sun rose.

He still couldn't understand the surge block he had. The only thing he knew, was that he was unable to speak to the other.

One morning, his heart got slightly broken.

Jisung had spent the last night taking care of him, again.

He threw up a lot less, but still had some fevers and panicks, and Jisung's presence always calmed him down in a way he couldn't express.

This time, Jisung had fallen asleep in his bed.

The latter woke up in a sligh panic, eyes wide as Minho was cuddled to his side, while the morning sun's light brought him out of dreamland.

He tried to wiggle silently and cautiously out of Minho's grasp, but as soon as he step a foot out of the bed, Minho had grabbed his wrist.

He turned to him, watching how his eyes were pressed close but his brows were frowned, uneasy.

"Stay" He mumbled silently

Jisung gulped loudly at that.

He hesitated. His warmth, his affection, the fact that he wanted to be around him was so heart clenching.

"Please" He continued "Just like nothing happened, for a few minutes" He pleaded.

That stabbed Jisung right in his heart.

Of course he wanted to accept, the tone of Minho's voice was too heartbreaking to refuse. The surge of making sure the latter was safe and sound was too strong.

But he refused.

He still had some dignity, and he didn't deserve none of this. He didn't deserve getting used when he wasn't still apologized to. 

So, unwillingly, he left the room, without a word.

And a few tears left Minho's eyes from this.

Those 'nights' with Jisung was the thing that kept him going, somehow.

Most of the time, he felt terribly alone.

He still felt grateful of the others members, who still tried to take care of him, even with their hectic planning. But still.

Even worse, the group had to leave.

They had a Japanese schedule, which needed them to fly away to Japan for an entire week.

Minho still being on a hiatus, couldn't at all follow them. And even if he could, he didn't think he would tolerate the airport moment.

Which made his mind fly to Jisung, who would have to revive those harsh moments for him, where he has to fight his anxiety for some time. And he couldn't do or say anything about it.

He only texted Chan:

'watchout for the youngers at the airport'

A message that was scripted, but still understood by the leader.

'of course, i'll make sure jisungie is safe and sound'

And even if he disliked the fact that Chan caught on, also the idea of not being able to protect Jisung by himself, he still felt lighter at the idea of Jisung being safe.

For the first time ever in his career, he connected into fansites to watch the live of their departure. He felt shameful about it, but he only wanted to check on them.

And his stomach stopped churning as he saw Jisung, shielded by Chan and Changbin on both sides, walking with his eyes half-closed from sleepiness.

What he hadn't anticipated, was how lonely he felt at this moment.

His members away, he was more alone than ever, and it slightly hurt.

Usually, he loved to have some time for himself. But right now, it felt painful. He needed distractions, and care.

For the entire week, it was Eunwoo who took care of him. And well.

He made the tests instead of Chan, and Minho would always receive a 'good job min !' from his leader an hour or so later.

He made food for him, and even motivated Minho to leave his bed to cook along with him.

He also tried to make him talk, which slightly worked. That's how he explained who his dealer was, and who was the idol who pushed him towards cocaine, and Eunwoo started to prepare a new schedule for Minho's return. A schedule where he would be able to avoid the said idol.

His members also called him a few times, just to make sure he was well. They also did a few lives, and he had the pleasure of watching them just like their fans do.

But he felt so bored, so useless.

Which was effective, in a sense.

He had come to a certain realization.

He was deeply unwell, and maybe a little sick in the head.

So, he took a decision.

He decided to start therapy as soon as his members come back.