Run Out of Emotion

Sixteen.

*Devin's POV*

Her soft hair tickled my face as I woke up, and I pulled Meredith in tighter. That kiss yesterday was perfect, and exactly what I needed. I couldn't help but smile as I heard Meredith snuffle in her sleep. Slowly, she turned on her side and I looked at her adorable little face.

It was then that I felt the urge. The urge to cut. I didn't know why, but I had to hurt myself. Maybe it was an addiction, but all the same, I hadn't self-harmed in a week, and that was too much to handle. 

Carefully, I stood up and let Meredith snuggle into the place I was lying. Felix and Adrianna were still asleep, so I got up and crept into the kitchen. I saw a large knife hanging up.

 Cautiously, I picked it up and looked around. Then I slid the blade into my arm. Damn, in a way I'd sorta missed this. Wow, I'm a psychopath.

As the blade slipped down again, I groaned a little. Fuck, I'd better be careful, I don't want to cut too deep. I heard a cough at the doorway, and I span around. 

Felix stood there, raising his eyebrows. "Oh, Devin. Devin, Devin, Devin." he tutted. "You're just like I was." 

"Felix! I..." I gasped.

"Did you really have to use my knife?" Felix smirked, shaking his head. "But dude, I know how you're feeling. You want to kill yourself, the only way you can feel better is pain. You're going through hard times, and you cry yourself to sleep every night, and you think no one cares. 

"You hate yourself. You hate life and you hate living. Nothing's going to save you. But you know what? That's all bullshit. You're a good person. No matter how imperfect you feel, no matter how much you want to give up and just end it and never live to see another day, it gets better.

 "Life gets better. Those scars on your wrists are going to be there for your entire life, but the depression won't be.

"Seriously, Devin. Hold on. Even if you aren't doing it for yourself, do it for me, Adrianna, and most importantly, Meredith. She loves you, man. And you're an idiot if you can't see that. Just hold the fuck on. Use your last piece of energy to grab hold of life with both hands, and don't let go.

"If you show Meredith that you can stop cutting then she will, and that will be a reason to live. Like I do, use your harsh memories as a way to help others like you. I know this sounds sappy and cliche, but all of this is the truth." Felix said, letting everything out. 

I took a moment to really take in everything he said. "Just promise me one thing. That you'll never put a blade to your own skin again." Felix asked.

"I... I promise."

A/N: This was a really hard chapter for me to write, because everything Felix said was exactly how I feel.

I have some inner demons, but who doesn't? I just wanted to say, that if you have cut in the past and stopped, then I know how hard it is.

 I'm so proud of you. If you cut now then please if you only take one thing from this chapter then let it be that it gets better. Like Felix said, just hold on.

Well that was deep as fuck haha. I've got 'Gold' by Sleeping With Sirens stuck in my head right now. By the way, I can't update for a week because I'm going on a school trip. We're going camping, and we're not allowed our phones. No music for a week! 

Anyway, I just wanted to thank   taniyahmillner for an amazing comment on my last chapter, that made me want to write this one. Thanks bae! 

What a long chapter! Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll see you in a week.