LOVELORN

62|Graduation & moving forward

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ＮＡＹＡ'Ｓ ＰＯＶ

GRADUATION HAD for years simultaneously felt like a heavy, dark cloud looming over me, ensuring nothing but misery if I got caught in its storms, and like a treat being dangled over a starving animal, tantalizing but out of reach. The former because I was certain I would be the disappointing shadow of a child next to my golden brother; the one my parents would surely shower with endless praise. The latter because I was never certain I would reach graduation or the opportunity for escape from my suffocating house that it could provide. Partly because I hadn't imagined I'd live to see it, partly because I wasn't sure my grades would be satisfactory enough for me to be allowed to graduate, let alone get into college.

Yet, not only had I already escaped—not by my own will but, nevertheless, I was out of there—but I'd also fought my way to reach graduation and gotten into college. It still felt somewhat like a fever dream—so delusional of a fantasy that it couldn't possibly be real. But somehow it was real, and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror in school for what could possibly be the last time, looking at the dress Zora had helped me pick out, the graduation gown fitted for me, and the graduation cap neatly placed on my head. I adjusted the cap slightly—despite it already sitting perfectly—and stepped outside where Zora was waiting in the hallway, ready to bid farewell to high school.

When she saw me, Zora immediately stretched out her hand. I slipped mine into hers as we ventured outside to where our friends were. Mai and Mara were squealing, jumping up and down like kids high on sugar, repeatedly screaming: "We're graduating!". Caio and Silas were standing behind them, grinning in what I assumed to be part joy and part amusement.

They broke apart when they saw us, running to engulf us in a group hug. We probably looked a bit like lunatics, but it was graduation, so nobody cared.

It took the guys gently reminding us we were in a hurry for us to break apart and head towards the football stadium, where the ceremony was being held. Our class formed a long line, eagerly waiting to walk inside. When the signal came, giddy smiles were shared among friends as we flocked into the stadium.

While I was excited for the prospect of graduation itself, I wasn't looking forward to the actual ceremony. Walking in front of everyone was more daunting than exciting and listening to a bunch of speeches sounded like a drag. Though, maybe I was being pessimistic.

The ceremony started off with a speech from the principal, to which I was only half-listening to, trying my best to not yawn. I only started paying attention when the student speakers came up. They started with the salutatorian—none other than my brother. I knew he was disappointed he didn't get valedictorian. Apparently there had only been a miniscule difference between the two. Regardless, it was insanely impressive.

We'd been texting recently and he'd asked me for input on his speech a million times. I kept telling him it was perfect, yet he never seemed to believe me. Nevertheless, it went as well as I'd expected it to go. Avi had stolen all the public speaking abilities, clearly.

When he was finished and returned to his seat, I tapped his shoulder—his seat was in front of mine—and told him his speech was great. My praise was enough for him to light up, a smile permanent on his face afterward.

His speech was followed by the valedictorian's speech, some girl I vaguely recognized. I really didn't pay enough attention to people. She delivered an equally beautiful speech. Some guest speaker followed, before the part everyone had been waiting for came: the diploma presentation. Since they were delivered in alphabetical order and my surname was relatively far down, I had to sit there with my nerves while getting slightly impatient for a dreadful amount of time.