Whatever It Takes | | ghost x soap x fem reader

16. Fear Struck ⚠️PTSD and SA⚠️

Ghost POV

   I hate Johnny. I didn't even get a chance to explain myself before he picked her up running off with her in tears. I don't know how I'd even begin to explain myself though to be fair. I love y/n, so fucking much but hell I didn't know how to cope with her state. the stress from work and the stress from her in a coma broke me. I guess that's why I did it. I needed to lose stress so I put the weight of it into some gross barracks bunny that couldn't even make me finish. I'll never forgive myself for that.

   I messed up royally. I don't even understand why I made the decision to only give her one more week when she could've had 2. I'm thankful she woke up in time but I think what got to me was seeing her like that. I couldn't stand watching her lay in bed suffering internally every minute of her deep sleep. That still shouldn't have warranted me just practically giving her life away when she still had the chance because god knows If she died, a huge part of me would too. but now that doesn't matter. I've lost her. all because of a stupid mistake.

   I never told Johnny, but after hours on the nights when he wasn't by y/ns side, I'd sit with her for hours, holding her hand and praying she would wake up. the second she did wake up I knew Johnny would tell her everything and that's why I couldn't visit her at first no matter how badly I wanted to. and I was right, the second he burst through that door while I shared my last kiss with y/n I knew it was time Johnny told her the truth. 

  There must be some way I can make this right. I feel like a piece of the puzzle that makes up my being is missing knowing she probably hates me. I can't just let Johnny have her. I will do whatever it takes for her forgiveness.

  Bloody hell I'm such a fucking idiot.

Y/n / Shadow POV

     The past few days have been eventful. a small celebration for my return, Konig leaving on a solo mission, me falling asleep in soaps embrace almost every night, and ignoring ghost as best as I can. even when I'm laying down in soaps warm embrace at night I think of ghost, I think of the betrayal and heartache from what we could have been.

   What we could have been.

   I try my best to shake those thoughts off and focus on the now, what's happening in the present, not the past.

   I sit in my room on my bed getting ready to hop into the shower to freshen up a bit after training. it's been miserable. I feel most of my strength coming back but I know I'll never be at my fullest like before. I still managed to take down Gaz though.

  As I stand up with my clothes and phone in my hand I feel a soft buzz come from my phone. I turn it up towards me and see a message from Gaz.

Kyle: We're all going to the club tonight, up for a bit of partying with some Brits and a Scott?

Y/n: yeah Gaz I just need to get ready.

Kyle: sure thing sweet cheeks! Meet in the lounge at 9. :))

   I giggle and check the time, it's 8:20 now so I'll head to the lounge at 8:55. I set my phone down on the bed and make my way to the shower.