The Price She Paid: Shadow & Bone (Book 2)

Chapter 27: Hate.

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He showed me who I was, what I was capable of. He showed me my birthright and I had fallen in love with him along the way.

I pulled away, struggling to catch my breath. He pressed his forehead against mine, reaching up to let his thumb brush over my cheek.

"I love you, Evelynn Newman. I always have, even when I didn't know you existed, I loved you."

Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew he meant every word, and that was the worst part.

"Now!"

I felt the room shift as Alina appeared next to me. I caught Aleksander's wrist before he had time to react. I turned and slammed it down against the desk right as Alina lunged forward. Sunlight shooting out of her hands as she placed them over his, directly all her light where the remains of the Stag's power lingered.

Aleksander's head fell back, a scream tearing from his lips as Alina's sunlight burned into his skin, searing it.

"Evelynn, Alina!" the distant sound of Mal's voice echoed through the room. "Look at me, please! Wake up!"

Hands grabbed me from behind, pulling me away from Aleksander and Alina. I whipped around and found myself looking up at Sebastian, alive and unharmed.

Aleksander let out a roar. I turned in time to see him shove Alina back. She hit the ground hard, and he raised his hands to summon.

"No!" I screamed.

"Evelynn!"

Nikolai.

The room around me started to fade, even Sebastian's claws were unable to keep me there any longer. The ground disappeared from under me, and I was falling.

"Evelynn!"

My eyes shot open, a scream trapped in my throat.

I found myself back in the church, sitting on the bench, looking into Nikolai's hazel eyes. One second, I was on the bench, the next I buried in his arms. I wasn't sure how I ended up there, but I found myself relieved regardless.

"I'm okay," I heard myself say. "I'm okay, I'm okay."

"Alina!" Mal shouted.

Alina let out a gasp, her eyes shooting open. Her face contorted in pain as she reached a hand up, pressing it against the back of her skull.

"Saints, Mal! I had him! I would have served our link if you hadn't pulled my focus!" she snapped.

The second the words left her lips she realized her mistake. After all our lies, she had slipped up and mentioned our link to Aleksander. I pulled away from Nikolai and moved to her side.

"Are you okay, let me see your head."

"How long?" Mal demanded, his voice low.

I opened my mouth to plead our case but stopped. Nikolai had moved to stand next to Mal, both of their fury directed at me.

There was no use in lying.

I swallowed hard.

"It didn't get bad until Novi Zem. We didn't know he was alive, we thought he was somehow haunting us through the bond. We didn't start seeing him while we were awake, not until later."

"That day on the ship when we were sparring, you saw him, didn't you?"

I nodded and looked away.

"You lied to me. I asked you what was wrong, I asked both of you-"

"What was I supposed to do, Mal?" I snapped. I stepped towards him, feeling my hackles rise. "Tell you I was being haunted by my dead ex?"

"You could have told me the truth!" He jabbed a finger at me. I had seen Mal mad, but this was something else. "You should have told me the truth!"

Alina pressed her hand against mine.

"Can you give us a minute?" she asked, her voice quiet.

I opened my mouth to protest.

Nikolai wrapped his hand around my upper arm, dragging me out of the church before I could form a proper protest.

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I let Nikolai pull me down the winding halls, not stopping until he got to the closed door of our shared room. He threw it open, yanking me inside and slamming it shut with a loud thud.

I watched as he paced the room, anger rolling off him in waves.

"Nikolai, I'm sorry. We needed to break the connection. There was no other way. I was the only one who could get close enough to him-"

"Has it ever occurred to you that, that is exactly where he wants you, Evelynn?" Nikolai stepped towards me, his eyes darkening. "He wants you close, he wants you under his control. You think you understand him, but you don't!"

"No, you don't understand!" I stepped towards him, matching his rage with my own. "There's a darkness inside of me, Nikolai. There's a darkness inside of me and he put it there!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to withstand the fury I knew I'd see on Nikolai's face. I didn't want to fight with him, I was so tired of fighting.

"I need to be free of him, to be free of this bond." I opened my eyes, forcing myself to meet Nikolai's gaze. "I can't keep living like this, Nikolai. I won't. One way or another this has to end, and the only way I see that happening is with one of us dead. No more armies, no more casualties, just him versus me."

I watched the rage start to fade from Nikolai's eyes. He reached out for me.

"Evelynn-"

I jerked away from his comforting touch, shaking my head. I remembered what Vasily had said to me in the ballroom.

Unless you'd rather the alternative, of course. You, surrounded by the bodies of the people you love. Your precious Grisha hunted down and executed like the animals they are.

My bottom lip trembled but I held my ground.

"I won't let Aleksander take anything else away from me."

Nikolai's expression fell.

"Evelynn, please let me help you."

"I'm sorry."

And this time, I meant it. Because Nikolai couldn't help me, and I never should have let him get close enough to want too.

I turned away from him, ignoring the way it made my insides ache with the wrongness of it all. I forced my feet to move, rushing out the door and letting it slam shut between us.