Pumped-Up Kicks 2

3.4

Logan (omg seriously)

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I felt like my lungs were going to collapse any second now because I was laughing so hard. From what I could see between the happy tears, Jess threw her head back and laughed while crinkling her nose. Honestly nothing was funny. We were just drunk. "Logan why did we do this?" She wiped underneath of her eyes careful not to smear any black make up. I shrugged and took another swig from the almost empty corona. I reached over Jess's perfectly tanned legs to open our second case. She threw her luscious blonde hair over her shoulder.

"I think its because we're stupid." I laughed again. "If Telly were here she would totally kill the both of us, me especially."

"Why?"

"Because she has a stick up her ass and doesn't know how to have fun." I pressed the new bottle to my lips before taking a large gulp letting the alcohol go down my throat stimulating my already dim senses. I listened to Jess laugh again.

"You haven't ever said anything more true. Why doesn't she like me?"

"She's just jealous of us." I grabbed the side of her thigh and pulled her closer to me before looking in her hauntingly green eyes. "It's been a rough year for her. Hell its been a lot on all of us since... Jared left us." I hesitated and shifted before taking another drink of my room temp beer.

"You mean since you slit his throat with a piece of glass because you were crazy in love with Telly?" She pointed out before finishing her beer and dropped the empty bottle along with the graveyard of other ones.

"I'm still crazy in love with her Jess."

"Then why am I here?"

"I dunno. Because I'm a guy that can't do anything but think with my dick." I shrugged and stroked her hair with my free hand. She scowled at me in disappointment through her nerdy glasses. "I know Jessa that's quite terrible and selfish of me blah blah blah. You don't need to remind me that I'm a shitty person."

"I won't say it but its true. Tell me why you like her so much."

"She's free. She has her own drive and walks her own way. She doesn't have to depend on anyone or be drunk to feel good about herself. And she's beautiful. And not the way you think. Her hair isn't the colour of pure gold. She doesn't have balloons glued to her chest and her waist isn't less than 30 inches. She loves food and isn't afraid to eat a double cheeseburger when she wants to. She doesn't always hide behind a mask of makeup. Telly speaks her mind and stays true to her beliefs. She's beautiful because she refuses to taste sadness even when that is the only thing left for her to eat."

"Deep." Jess nodded her head and threw her head back with yet another beer bottle pressed firmly to her lips. She took a long drink almost finishing the whole thing. "My hair is the colour of pure gold. What does that make me?"

"You my darling Jessa are society's idea of what beautiful should be." I grabbed her hand and laced our fingers together.

"Is that bad?" She bit her lip nervously.

"No. No its not bad. It's just saying that you agree that every girl should look like you to be considered beautiful and that's not true. Literally everyone envies you for being the very epitome of perfect. But I think its not bad."

"Yeah but you think that about a lot of things." She climbed into my lap and took the beer bottle from my hand before placing it on the coffee table behind her.

"Does it matter?" I placed my hands on her hips and could feel the blood rushing in between my legs. She shook her head no.

"Can I ask you something?" She whispered curiously.

"Sure."

"Logan, what are we?" She bit her lip again and placed her hands on my shoulders. I inhaled and almost choked only because I hadn't given much thought to our current situation. That was a good question. We would be accused of being a couple when we were really just friends. And it's not that I didn't like Jess. She was so much fun to be around. She was my aesthetic. She numbed the pain and anger for a while and made me forget exactly how I felt. But I didn't want to be her boyfriend. Not when Telly is so available and I could finally have my chance with her.  Plus I didn't want to ruin everything between us because I was cursed with being a fuck up of a boyfriend. So how are you going to make Telly stay with your crazy ass if you fuck up all the time? God I hate when I always analyze everything.

"What do you want us to be?" I finally spoke after thinking. My fingers pressed into her hips making her skin dip and her breath hitched in her throat. If there was one thing about Jess, it was that she was extremely ticklish. I cocked my head to the side waiting for her to finish thinking.

"I think I want us to just be friends." She cringed at 'friends' which led me to believe that she in fact didn't want us to just be friends.

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes I'm sure. I just haven't been this kind of friends with anyone before." Honestly, Jess looked absolutely terrified.

"You say that like its a bad thing." Her cheeks flushed and she looked down to my ever growing lap.

"Its just um, I'm not so sure if something like this should happen between us."

"If it makes you feel any better I've never been this type of friends with anyone before either." I rubbed up and down against her back trying to comfort her. She finally looked at me when I gingerly took her glasses off her face and pushed the hair off her face. "But that's okay. I'm sure there are plenty of people like us in the world." I half smiled and she giggled. Then she fell silent considering her words. I really hoped Jess would hurry up and make a decision because the constant throbbing between my legs is starting to hurt with all the added weight that was sitting on me.

"Logan I know that you love Telly. And I also know that you and I could never happen. There literally is no possible way that we could he together happily no matter what we do."

"Yeah I know that. What's your point."

"Can we forget about everything else for a little while. Can we pretend that we aren't two horny piece of shit teenagers that have issues. Can we pretend that maybe we aren't just friends with benefits."

And I couldn't form a coherent thought after that so I just nodded. I know this is going to make me sound like a total dickhead but I was eager to do such sinful things with Jess. She wasn't Telly and maybe that's what I needed. I may have wanted Telly, but she wasn't what I needed right now. What I needed was a medicine for heartbreak. There was only one form that was prescribed for me and that was Jessa. She was better than using drugs and alcohol because she wouldn't kill me slowly, not intentionally of course.

In the very back of my mind I knew that using Jess for my own selfish,twisted ways was wrong, very wrong. That's because in the back of my mind lived a mini Telly and she screamed at me to stop. She yelled at me calling me all types of derogatory things like, "You worthless, no good, piece of shit!" Then again, she yells at me all the time so I didn't listen to her.  

Jess ran her hands through my hair slowly and I could feel her breath on my lips. I looked up at her trying to be a gentleman even though I had a face full of tits and I just wanted to reach out and grope her. But I didn't. I let her kiss me. And I let myself kiss her back. Because that's just what worthless, no good, pieces of shit like me do. We find a pretty girl, befriend he and get laid as we're drunk on my couch.

And as I unclasped Jessa's bra, mini Telly stopped yelling at me and she hugged her knees to her chest and stayed quiet. That was the last time she had said anything to me.

(oh. well that happened. so um im kinda going away this week and prob won't be able to update but who cares. i'm off to write more bye darlings.)