Pumped-Up Kicks 2

5.4

Logan (damn)
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Well looks like Jessa was right. I might as well just hammered the last nail into the casket of Telly and I ever getting together and making the cutest babies. I sighed and lowered the phone from my ear, considering to lose all hope in anything. It seems that Telly obviously didn't wanna be bothered anymore and that I should just stop trying. There was probably a plethora of other guys wrapped around her bony fingers and who can blame them? She was beautiful, and manipulative, what a dangerous combination. Maybe this is good for the both of us, to just go separate ways. She can do her thing with whoever she wants and maybe Jessa and I could create some beautiful babies. It wasn't a bad idea and it's not like I had anything to lose.

No. If I did that, I'd be loosing Telly forever. There is still hope and I have to fight like hell to win her back (if I even swooned her in the first place.) Although my parents did a shitty job at raising me, they always told me that quitters never win and I have worked too hard to get to this point even with all the mishaps and obstacles that I have created. I have to keep trying because there is still even the tiniest speck of light at the end of this dark, lonely tunnel and I am determined to make that light grow until I have a thousand suns.

I had to get to Manhattan no matter what it takes. I just had to go there because if I did and I happened to run into Telly, she would see that I follow her to the ends of the earth. I love her and right now she is all that matters to me. I just had to go through with this very shitty, half-baked plan. There wasn't anything for me in Seattle and I'd rather gouge out my own eyes than waiting for her to come home. Like Jessa said, if she was coming home.

But luckily for me, the word 'if' didn't mean a damn thing to me so she was coming home or I was going to Manhattan, there really was no in between because I'm done fooling around with both Jessa and Telly. I've been in love with her for a whole decade and if that doesn't say something then I don't know what does.

What kind of fool am I to risk everything that we could've had just because some blonde with big boobs offered me free blow jobs almost daily? I wanted to punch myself in the face for being so stupid and selfish and not realizing how much pain and trauma that I have put Telly through these past few months. We were so close to being something and I just had to fuck it up, like I always do. Well, I'm tired of fucking up and having to start over and I'm tired of crawling back to Jessa so I can ignore the messes that I've made only to create an even bigger, more messier mess than the first one. I'm almost drowning in my own mistakes but I refused to fail.

Following her to New York could potentially be the worse mistake of them all and I was going all in with this. I had nothing left to lose except for Jessa maybe. But the thing is, I never really had her and if I did, I never wanted her. I just had to go through with this. It was the only way that I wasn't confessing my love just to say it. That's probably the bullshit that she's feeding herself right now. Telly is such a foolish girl and never had any faith in me and it really hurts actually. I guess I deserve the little stings in my chest for all the hell that I've put her through.

I sighed, proceeding to go home. I'm so stupid. Only I would be the one to do this. I don't even have any connections in Manhattan and I was not asking Emmett in fear of being rejected. I mean, that's her big brother and if she told him anything like the gossiper that she is then he would kick my ass before I even got to knock on the door. So I scrolled through my contacts once more searching for the last person on earth I would ask for help. I pressed his name, and listened to the monotone ring once more hoping that I wouldn't have to experience that sense of anxiety again because that is too stressful.

I'm only 17 what should I be stressing out about? Girls maybe, but here I am about to move across the country all because of a stupid, hopeless girl that I met a decade ago.

A stupid, hopeless, beautiful, manipulating girl that I had fallen in love with. Could I be any more like a Netflix original series?

The fifth ring came and I clutched my phone about to press the end button. "Hey little bro. What's goin' on?"

"Hi Louis." I rolled my eyes wanting to be done already. His voice was always annoying and everytime he was here I just wanted to punch him in the face because he got everything easy while I have to work my ass off just to get a piece of gum I mean damn. "I can't believe I'm saying this but I really need your help."

"Anything Logan. Just lay it on me."

"I am in love with Telly and I am such a fuck up. I stayed here in Seattle because Jessa was in the hospital because of me and I couldn't leave to go to Manhattan without saying goodbye and turns out that she's in California and I need to get to Manhattan." I rushed out, which didn't really lift the massive weight I was bearing on my shoulders at the dear moment.

"Woah woah woah slow down bro. Who's Jessa?"

"Jase's twin sister." I rolled my eyes again because I forgot that he obviously wasn't in the know and would hound me with questions.

"Jase has a twin sister that we didn't know about until now?"

"Uh huh."

"Is she hot?"

"Third degree burns. But that's not the point!"

"I think you have a bigger problem than what you are letting on."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I think that you love Telly for who she is and I think that you love this Jessa chick for the way she looks. So shallow."

"I'm not in love with Jessa." I couldn't stress that enough apparently. "She's such a know-it-all and is annoying with her intelligence."

"Okay so why is it so hard for you and Telly to get together if you 'aren't in love' with this Jessa chick?"

"Because I love the way she makes me feel."

to be continued...