The Wonders In Our Head

.Lie?.

I always felt ashamed for lying continuously.
For no apparent reason, I'd find myself lying
Someone taught me to only lie if necessary
And someone taught me to find out what's behind your behavior if you want to change it.
And I finally figured it out.

 
If I don't lie, you'll know what I think about it.
You'll know my thoughts
You'll figure out how my head works
(It's very predictable past the indecisiveness)
You'll figure me out and I won't be unique anymore
I won't be someone to keep on your toes anymore
I won't be special anymore
Coz you'll know that I'm just like everybody else.

I do what I do
So we could talk for hours
But you'll never know who I am
And you could never know who I was
Your actions won't hurt me because it's not me you're hurting
It's me you think I am

I do what I do
So I can be a foot ahead of you
So I could be unpredictable
So I could be Lovable
So I could be Understandable

I do what I do
Coz I don't want to be crying myself to bed
Thinking why I'm never loved.
Thinking what's wrong with me?
Thinking what more I could do to ask for the minimum.
Thinking about how to ask for more when I get everything
Thinking about how to express myself without hurting anyone else.

I do what I do,
And I'm surprised at how you still manage to hurt me
And how I'm still the one receiving the hurt
Only this time there's this imputent thought
, would they have treated me like that
If they knew me as I was?"

This is all a facade I'm putting up
But it's embedded in my brain
Like that earring in my ear
Which had to be removed by a painless surgery
Putting off a mask isn't going to be that painless

I do what I do
Coz I don't want to hurt myself anymore
And I don't care if this hurts you

I do what I do
And it's going to be a long road trying to undo it.
A road I'm not quite willing to travel.

I had to put this skin around me
Because I was just 5
And people don't think of the consequences