Lies

Chapter 48

Felix

I don't think I'd ever feel so restless to do something. I've been doing my best to keep myself in check, but I feel as though something is lacking. Maybe it's the fact that no one really seems to know what happened to Kagami. Maybe somehow even with the bruises left on her there is no real evidence until she wakes up. 

What happens when she wakes up? Where we left things was good, but it wasn't official. I should've asked her that night. I should have asked her to be my girlfriend. At least I would've known that it wasn't just a fluke. 

But how can I think of something so insignificant? She's in a coma and I'm thinking about her possibly "yes". Sometimes I think I deserve to never be happy. It's thoughts like these that make me think happiness is nothing but a fantasy. This is real life. This is what happens to the villian. 

Anything that surrounds me gets taken. My past has been a constant struggle against that and I can't help but feel like it's what I deserve every time. It's my wake up call to reality. 

Don't forget Felix, this isn't yours to keep. 

She'll die no matter what. 

She doesn't love you. Not the way you think.

Felix, how could you ever be loved? 

Your daddy didn't even want you. 

Nobody stays. 

These notions circle around my mind like a cartoon character running into a wall causing those stars to circle. 

I try to shake them, but they always tend to come back in full force. 

I'd like to say my life was easier when I had Mila, because I didn't feel as if I deserved anything more than her. She was as low as me and that's what made us good together. It was easy and wasn't easy sometimes a good thing? 

"Mr. Graham de Vanily, is there something more interesting outside that window?" My English teacher yells at me. 

I stare at the empty seat beside me and look back up to the front. "No, sorry." 

She continues on with her lecture and I continue on with my brooding. 

Each day in class was agony and the gossip started to die down. I wasn't fond of hearing people come up with reasons for Kagami's disappearance, but I wasn't about to correct them. What aggravated me more was those who do know of the real reason won't stop asking me how she's doing.

How the fuck do you think? She's been lying in a comatose state!

Hell, I hated my own cousin asking me how she was.

Adrien had been texting and calling me nonstop. I had to visit him to stop his incessant calling. After telling him what had happened he told me go to the police. I wanted to punch him.

He then started asking questions I didn't know, like if her father had seen her? Or if her mother is doing okay? Or if she would be bothered by missing school? My cousin laughed as if he understood a joke only he and her would know.

I wanted to punch him again. My fists clenched tighter.

She wasn't the kind of girl I thought she was. She was better.

Something in his eyes when Adrien said it made my stomach want to empty its contents. He was reminiscing over my girl and I was allowing it. I hated when he spoke about my girl.

So I became a bit territorial. I told him never to speak a word about my girlfriend unless he wants problems. He just smiled and said something that shocked me.