a forever type of love

Nerves

5th March 2023
This is it. Today's the day. Today I would make my debut for Chelsea and would you believe it's in a fucking final. The continental cup final to be exact.

I've been training with the girls for a few weeks now in preparation for this day. I don't know why I'm so nervous, I knew I would probably only get a few minutes play time.

Being in the academy is a lot different than with the older girls. I joined the academy when I was 11 thinking that I was never good enough for my career to take off. Now here I am at 17 years old, making my debut for one of the biggest teams in London.

It felt so surreal, I was honoured to be called up by Emma Hayes but I was surrounded by bittersweet feeling as I had to leave my academy teammates.

It was always hard growing up playing for Chelsea especially because I've supported Arsenal since I was born. My father and I went to every game. Going to watch Arsenal women's as a kid was privilege, home or away, no matter the distance. Watching players like Kelly Smith and Kim Little score goals after goals. It was every kids dream.

Now at 17, I finally made it. All the training and coaching finally paid off. I love playing for Chelsea, the academy was something out of a dream but there was always a missing piece in the puzzle. Am i playing for the right club? Is my heart really dedicated to Chelsea?

As I flipped the duvet covers off of my legs, I reached for my phone. The clock read 9am. I groaned as I stood up. I headed to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for the nerve racking day ahead.

I pulled on my joggers on and grabbed my car keys and my boots before leaving my flat. By the time I had left it was 11am so I had some time to kill. I decided to grab some food before heading to the training ground. As I approached the doors to my favourite cafe, I was stopped by a familiar looking face. My former teammate aka my best friend from the Chelsea academy sprung at me and pulled me into a warm hug.

"Alex! I've missed you so much'" the brunette exclaimed.

"I've missed you too Rach" I replied.

Rachel and I have known each other since we started at the academy. We started on the same day, we instantly clicked and have been best friends ever since. I've always told her everything so she was obviously the first to know about my call up. I was distraught when I realised I had to leave her back at the academy.

"Are you excited for today?" Rachel asked

"Yeah I guess so, more nervous than anything" I admitted

"Al you'll be fine, you were always the best midfielder at the academy. This is your chance to show everyone what you're made of" she expressed.

"Thanks Rach, I really needed that" I replied as I reached to grab the door handle to the cafe. "I'm just picking up some food before heading to the training ground, care to join me" I asked.

"Well I couldn't leave my bestfriend to eat alone on the day of her debut now can I" she proclaimed.

We sat down in the cafe and enjoyed our food. She asked me all about my call up and how the training with the girls was going. We got lost in the conversation, I tapped my phone to check the time 12:30. Shit.

"Rach I'm gonna be late, I've got to leave. I'm sorry" I said timidly

"Go Alex, you'll smash it. Just relax and play your football. I'll walk you to your car"

I picked up my phone and keys as we headed towards my car. We shared one last hug as she whispered in my ear "good luck superstar, don't forget me"

"I could never forget you Rachel, I'll see you soon" tears started to form in my eyes.

"Promise?" she cried

"I promise" I replied softly

As I got into my car, I put my head in my hands. I felt violently sick with anxiety. The way I play today is a make or break for my career. 'Fuck' I thought. I pulled myself together and pulled off to start my journey towards the training ground.