a forever type of love

Leahs pov

Leahs pov

i've been so worried about alex the past few days

she's distanced herself slightly and she doesn't seem to be her happy normal self

before she left this morning to see rachel, i told her i loved her and she didn't say it back

what if she's falling out of love with me?

she's the only person who keeps me sane, i need her in my life

i started my day off with doing some boring chores that needed to be done because someone aka the love of my life leaves them for me to do

i guess i'll let her off of the hook this time and probably for the rest of our lives but i better still be getting princess treatment when i've got grey hair and wrinkles

once i'd done alex's chores and cleaned up her mess, i thought it would be a nice idea to make her some dinner for when she gets home

i have to admit, i'm not the best of cooks. normally i just stand there and look cute whilst i let alex do the cooking but i thought i'd make an effort

well sort of. i called beth and viv to give me a hand but alex will never know

both beth and viv are decent cooks so hopefully we can pull it off

viv suggested we make lasagne from scratch, mostly because we had all the ingredients to make it

i know al loves lasagne so we began to cook

the lasagne made it into the oven safely, with no arguments from beth or viv and with nothing broken. that's a result in my eyes

hours and hours went by since al left and she still wasn't home, i was starting to get concerned

viv reassured me that she was just having a long conversation with her friend who she hasn't seen in a few weeks

i assumed she was right but the thought still lingered in the back of my head

the lasagne was finally ready and to say it smelt amazing was an understatement

everytime i'm the designated cook, i'm calling beth and viv to help

i have to give credits to viv though because she did most of the work whilst beth and i gossiped

we left the food on the side to cool down and sat down on the sofa to watch a film

the good thing about being so close with beffy and viv is that i never feel like a third wheel

i still make jokes to them, to this day, about how they used to dislike eachother so much and how beth would always rant to me about how annoying viv was

deep down i just think beth liked her but was too much of a pussy to tell her

more time went passed and alex still hadn't come home

viv said she'd give her a call to put my mind at ease

no response. that's odd

alex always picks up vivs calls straight away

then beth gave it a go

still no response

millions of thoughts rushed through my head from her cheating on me to her laying dead on the side of the road

"she didnt say i love you back this morning before she left" i sobbed

"she's probably just busy le, i wouldn't stress until we have to" viv assured me

i just knew that if i phoned her and she didn't pick up then something was definitely wrong

maybe she's having another anger outburst

what if she is? i'm not with her so god knows what she'll do. what if she hurts herself? or someone else?

my breathing increased rapidly and i found myself struggling to breathe

i searched up her name in my contacts and pressed call

i held the phone up to my ear and listened to each beep, holding onto some hope that she'd pick up

i listened to the beeps, all the way through until it hit the voicemail

"hey it's alex, i'm probably with my girlfriend or kicking a ball around so i'll call you back when i can"

i sobbed loud and hard

i love this girl so much that i couldn't bare the thought of losing her

beth and viv tried their best to comfort me and reassure me that she was okay but it really wasn't working

my mind had gone to the absolute worst and my anxiety sky rocketed

i had one of the worst panic attacks of my life

to make matters worse, alex wasn't there to calm me down like she normally is

beth eventually got me to calm down but it wasn't the same without alex

beth text the girls asking if alex was with any of them but none of them had seen her since the united game

it got later and later until it was pitch black outside

beth and viv insisted on staying with me but i sent them home because i wanted to be by myself

i got into the empty bed and just sobbed

i was so scared of losing her that i genuinely didn't know what to do with myself

i tossed and turned in bed, forcing my eyes closed to attempt to get a few hours sleep

my body, stuck in flight or fight mode, refused to let me sleep

my body knew that it wasn't right sleeping in the bed without alex in it

i just laid there in darkness, staring at the ceiling in hope that my phone would ring and everything would be okay

both beth and viv kept checking up on me which i thought was sweet of them but i couldn't bring myself to reply to them

i don't know what was happening to my girl and i don't know if she still loves me

after a long while of staring at the ceiling, my phone buzzed and vibrated

i instantly grabbed my phone to see an unknown number displayed at the top

i accepted the call and put my phone to my ear

"hello, is this miss williamson?" the person asked

a knot filled in my stomach

"yes speaking" i said hesitantly

"i'm dr matthews from st albans city hospital. i regret to inform you that miss beck was brought in a few hours ago" the man explained

i sobbed down the phone

"is she okay?" i said with worry

"i think it's best if we speak in person" he said

"i'm coming now" i cried

i put the phone down and screamed and yelled and cried

i punched my pillows until i couldn't lift my arms up anymore

all this time i've been waiting for her to come home and she's been in the hospital

how did i not figure it out

this is all my fault, i can't lose her

alex i'm sorry