Turning A New Leaf

Seventy-Two

It was a few hours before Atira was given the green light to leave her bed and visit Gabriel in the NICU. She was grateful she had gone the unmedicated route for his birth, even if it had been mildly excruciating, to say the least.

One thing Atira struggled with was independence and bodily autonomy. She wanted to tell him she didn't need him trying to help her get around, she was fine on her own and completely capable. Krist, possibly feeling as though he couldn't help her enough, insisted on aiding her.

Linda was waiting for them in the NICU, seated in a rocking chair with Gabriel. It was the first real glimpse they'd gotten of him since his arrival. Even though his face was partially hidden from the CPAP, they agreed he was possibly the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen.

Unlike Rocco, who'd been born with a full head of straight black hair, or so Krist had been told, Gabriel had light brown peach fuzz. Even with his face hidden, it was apparent he'd gotten Atira's forehead and eyebrow shape along with Krist's strong chin.

Linda stood, allowing Atira to take her seat, and handed the little bundle that was Gabriel to her. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she took him in, his perfect little face, tiny fingers, and sweet smell.

"Hey buddy, I'm your mom," she whispered, running her fingers along his hairline. He nuzzled into her as soon as he spoke as if he knew her voice, "I can't believe this is real."

Krist kissed her head, taking Gabriel's tiny hand in his, "It's wild right?"

"I'm going to leave you two alone and head home," Linda told them, "Atira, honey, you did amazing. Krist, you did good, too."

Atira smiled softly, "Thank you so much for being here, I appreciate it more than you know."

"Thank you for letting me," Linda hugged Atira's head to her, "I haven't told Rocco that you had the baby yet, I thought I'd let you guys call him when you're ready."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you," Krist hugged her.

"I love you too, all of you."

****

Everyone and their mother were eager to see Atira and Krist's baby. Krist, dying to show off what he helped create, went live on Facebook so everyone could see his son.

"That baby is all Atira," Cami messaged, "Thank god lol".

Other comments ranged from "He's too cute to be yours" and "He's your twin Krist." Krist felt like he saw a lot of himself and Rocco in Gabriel but he did favor Atira, that was for certain.

Nina, who never commented on Krist's posts for obvious reasons, messaged him to congratulate he and Atira on their new addition, expressing her happiness for the family.

Krist replied, thanking her, and started to tell her how much he realized he had done her and Krist Antonio wrong by caring more about drugs and himself than being a decent person. He sat staring at his phone for a long minute before deciding to delete everything past "Thank you, we appreciate it!" He felt guilty apologizing to his wronged ex while his wife was recovering from childbirth, he also felt that any apology of that nature should be done in person.

As he watched Atira cradling their newborn, he wondered if Karla had shown the same affection towards Rocco after he'd been born. Did she snuggle him? Kiss him? Look at his perfect little face in adoration? It was hard to imagine Karla displaying any kind of maternal nature, he assumed Rocco most likely lay swaddled, alone, in his plastic bassinet while Karla posted thirst trap hospital selfies.

"Do you want to hold him?" Atira asked Krist in a soft voice.

He switched her spots, taking his son into his arms, "He's so beautiful," Krist told her, "I'm honestly hella sad I never got to meet Rocco when he was this small."

Atira placed a hand on Krist's shoulder, "I'm sad you weren't able to either."

"Speaking of Rocco, can you hand me my phone? I'm gonna FaceTime him. It's over on that table thing," he nodded to a tray sitting in the corner.

As she picked up his phone, something in her face changed. Hurt. "Nina...just messaged you," she told him quietly, placing the phone in his hand.

Fuck my life. Krist thought to himself, letting out a slow breath. "Yeah, I told her about Gabriel. She'd been asking about you and him."

Atira bit her bottom lip, it was quivering. "So...do you guys...talk often?"

"I don't know about often but, yeah, I chat with her on Facebook here and there. Mainly about you and your pregnancy, and Rocco," he pushed the phone into her hand, "You can read everything."

Atira was typically someone who took him at his word and let it be, this time she took the phone from his hand, before sitting down and reading through the entire message thread between the two of them. He felt fairly confident there wasn't anything horrible or upsetting in the messages, he's deleted the few semi-flirtations conversations, leaving the boring shit.

After what felt like an eternity, Atira handed him his phone back, "Why didn't you tell me that you'd been talking with her?"

"It didn't seem like a big deal," he replied dismissively.

"Krist, you know how I feel about her," she stated, "If you two want to be friends, so be it, big when you leave out that you two are friendly then it's going to make me uncomfortable."

He nodded, "No, you're totally right. I shoulda said something. I swear to god, Atira, I only want you, and I even tell her that too."

Atira gave him a wry smile, "You did. Look, I'm sorry if I came off like I didn't trust you but... since I got pregnant, I just feel so freaking insecure all the time."

"Baby, you got no reason to be insecure, look at you," he assured her, "I don't want nobody else."

****

Krist felt shitty that Atira had caught him messaging Nina, especially on the day of his son's birth. He made a mental note to dial back their communications or maybe even altogether cut them off, he assumed Nina would understand and even if she didn't, it wasn't like she had a say in the matter.

Putting his happy face on, he FaceTimed Rocco to show off the new baby. It was well after his bedtime when Krist called but Rocco had been awake, eagerly awaiting a call from his dad.

"Awww," Rocco shouted into the phone, "What's that on his face, Dad? He a astronaut?"

Krist, not sure how to explain what a CPAP was to a four-and-a-half-year-old, grinned and said, "Yeah, it's his spaceman gear."

Atira, who was sitting to the side trying to collect colostrum, snorted and had to readjust one side of her breast pump.

"He's so cuuuuuuute," Rocco cooed, "Can I stay at the hospital with you, Dad?"

"Naw, bud, I can come get you tomorrow so you can meet him though."

"Okay! Do you think Baby Gabe will like me?"

"He said he loves you already," Krist told his son, "You should probably get going to bed, I'll come get you first thing in the morning, alright?"

"Okay," Rocco sounded sad.

"Love you, bro," Krist told him.

"Love you, Dad. I miss you and Atira," he sighed.

"We miss you too! Love you, Roc," Atira called.