Venomous Mistake

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I decided to start cooking without Marco. He stepped out this morning for work, and it's moving to the hour of one. I hope he doesn't mind. He won't because that man has apologised to me and confessed his love.

I spent the morning wondering if I made the right choice, not forgiving him. What he did is still fresh. There are still secrets between us, and he asked for one month. I didn't tell him I loved him but that he ruined me for every man. I do. I love him, but I'm guilty enough that the words won't come out of my mouth.

I should tell him.

I should inform him that I don't have a month because my daughter is somewhere and she needs me. How will he take that news? Would he still love me? I don't know. He gave me a concussion, and no woman would stay after this, but when your heart beats for a man, it's tough to move past.

What if he forgets himself and strikes me again? I trust him, but I trust no one fully. It's always led me to problematic situations. I still remember him tasting my tears and the ice cream on my lips. He made me feel alive last night without his body and mine, and if that doesn't say something, I don't know what will.

I'd woken up with a smile, and his note made it brighter. I got up, made my bed, and in the kitchen, I got another letter. Then I showered, found a note in my soap dish and touched myself to it. I couldn't help it, especially when he went into detail about the scent of my soap on my skin.

We're so fucked up, and I don't feel guilty about it. I was running from Marco days ago, and he'd caught me, locking me in that torture room. He'd shoved and yelled at me, and I still wanted him. That isn't how ordinary people love, is it? How could the heart want this after he has treated me wrong?

Maybe it's because I know how hard he can love and care for me. He'd given me a taste, and I broke his trust, yet I'm in his penthouse again and cooking. Marco forgave me. What if we reversed roles?

What if he shamed my body for it's scars after he got his fill of using me? That's enough to drive any woman to her death-trusting a man with her body just for him to laugh at her. It's similar to what I did to Marco. He trusted me with his body, and I left him the next day. I'm a horrible person, aren't I?

Yet, he still forgave me, and I wonder if I'm being selfish for not pardoning him, too. What if I abused him and locked him up for something he did? He'd still forgive me, and that's what gets me.

I sigh, unpausing the video I found on YouTube about chicken fajitas. Marco let me have his iPad, but I'm not stupid to get hold of Camilo. I promised him one month, but Neva and I didn't want to break my promise.

The elevator chimes open, and all thoughts disappear when I hear his footfalls. My heart starts throbbing, waiting to see him and hear his feedback.

"The food smells delicious, L'vitsa. I'm home, baby. I'm sorry for being late." He pulls his hand from behind him, and my eyes close on a red rose and a wine bottle.