a perfect contradiction • lrh

chapter forty

"I'm leaving you"

At first sobs racked her ribs, her lungs almost bursting with the heart wrenching devastation as Luke had ripped the carpet from beneath her, his ghost backing out of her apartment as tears stung her cheeks. Her castle walls crumbled into nothing but broken shards of what used to be. She shattered. Her pieces, pieces he had once put back together, had been obliterated beyond recognition. Her knees collided with the wooden panels of her kitchen flooring as she collapsed yet the throb from her knees could barely be felt. It was no measure to the void cleaving in her chest. Chase lunged for her, his fingertips just missing her arms as she fell apart entirely.

Chase bound her in his arms, a lifeline to keep her breathing, to tell her she would never be alone but that didn't stop the dampness from her tears quickly soaking through to his skin. It took everything in him not to unleash his rage on the blonde next door, the blonde who had promised so much.

Since the day she had met the blonde with eyes of ocean blue and nails so daringly red, he had changed her. The moody Aussie with a talented voice and a wicked smile that made her melt, shiver and straighten her spine with confidence. With his smile alone, he had supported her in pursuing her career, had shown light in her darkest of nights and had given her hope for her happily ever after.

Her mind raced along each memory and the changes he had made too. The man who had softened for her despite his twisted trauma. A man who made life more colorful despite the grayness that had clouded his hope of being loved. A man who's beating heart gave her purpose.

A man who had left her. Effortlessly. Like she had meant nothing to him. Like she was irrelevant. As if love had been nothing more than a lie. As if love had never even existed.

*
Eleanor awoke to the early dawn of the first day of spring. The melody of the birds drifted in on the cool, fresh breeze. Her curtains billowed and rippled with the strength of the wind.

Stretching her goosebumped skin, she smiled softly at the explosion of yellow in her room. Gone was the gray. The destruction of her soul. It was time to try again. Four weeks was four too many to be wallowing in bed. She shook her head with a slight chuckle, Nate had been right and she was now grateful that she had agreed to meet him today after weeks of pestering. She resisted at first, nauseated by the idea of leaving her solitude but when he had offered the sanctuary of his private home, no prying eyes, no pressures, she had accepted. Maybe a change of scenery would do her good.

Even if Chase didn't like this guy either, she needed to get out of her bedroom.

Nate's house was indeed a surprise. It wasn't the pristine white and expensive dwelling she had pictured for Nate. It was warm and welcoming. Pictures everywhere of his mum, his family. Nate made her lunch, she marveled at the skill he had, effortlessly chopping and creating delicious courses. The way his brow creased with concentration. The precision and control it took to present food so professionally. She was mesmerized.

Eleanor became a regular at his house as Nate taught her a few skills for cooking and she repaid the gratitude with her baking recipes. They moved in such harmony and slowly she felt the light flicker in her eyes. The hunger for life roared in her belly louder than the pine, the agonizing sadness for what was not hers anymore. With Nate she felt like she could begin again.

*

As Nate rolled out sheets of his freshly made pasta, Eleanor stirred the sauce for the dish, tasting more times than Nate liked. He chuckled every time she tried to steal a taste when she thought he wasn't paying attention. He was always paying attention.

His eyes narrowed on her as a smile broadened on her face, she had been caught in the act. Nate couldn't help the laughter that exploded from him. Her sheepish giggle joined in. Her eyes never left him as his positive energy continued to heal what was broken.

His eyes landed back on her, his lips twisting up devilishly. "What?" She twisted but he just stepped closer. And closer. Until the wooden spoon was the only thing between them. His fingers wrapped around the hand that held the spoon and carefully placed it back into the pot. His gaze only faltered from her hypnotic blue eyes to give her lips the attention they deserved.

He needed to know what they tasted like.

He cupped her cheek, her eyes fluttering shut in the warmth of his palm. His thumb lazily grazed at her bottom lip. "May I?" His voice was raw with need but restrained with patience.

Eleanor nodded, her lips parting in response. He didn't waste a second. Didn't give her a chance to change her mind. He was firm and confident as their lips merged. His tongue dancing, dominating her own. Nate's hands roamed and squeezed as he groaned her name. She had never seen him so needy. So desperate. His vulnerability was surprising and unexpected.

"Sweeter than sugar," he mumbled as his forehead laid lust-heavy against her own. His eyelids remained shut as he fought to contain his urges.

Despite the slight tremble of apprehension or adrenaline, she couldn't tell, she undid the strained buttons of his shirt.

He cocked his brow as he glided her chin up with his index finger, "are you sure this is what you want?" His eyes somewhat softened.

"Yes." she would have said yes weeks a go if only to rid herself of the past. But now, after everything Nate had done for her, for making her smile again, for easing the break in her chest and for repairing her hope, yes, she wanted him.

They lay afterward in a tangle of sweaty limbs. He had been so gentle, reassuring and sweet. She released a weighted sigh as she fell asleep, his fingers barely stroking her hair as he too allowed sleep to drift over him.

*

"I think I'm ready to go back to work," she smiled, finally the idea not crushing her insides.

Nate strode over to her from the other side of the studio. His hair smoothed back in his usual style, white shirt, unbuttoned dangerously and tight black trousers that fit him well. He smirked at her gaze, satisfied to finally have her attention completely and utterly on him.

He titled his head, concern flashing through them emerald eyes of his. They drew her in, like a moth to a flame. His hands settled on either shoulder as he allowed himself to be consumed by his worry, a roughened sigh escaping his lips.

"If you need money," he began, "I'm not taking your money!" She objected as she tried to shift the grip of his fingers. He let up slightly but she remained in his grasp.

He rolled his eyes at her protest, "I know you won't, but dollface, my beautiful dollface," he took a moment to capture the beauty in his hands, she blushed under his unrelenting gaze.

"You deserve to be free from that place, you deserve to be around those who worship you, not rip your heart out and abandon you alone, all alone in your kitchen," she winced at his words, flashbacks of that night threatening to attack.

"You need to stay here, safe, making music in my studio, I will give you everything you need and want," his smile beamed, "what's mine," he clutched at his chest, "is yours" he tapped at her chest above her beating heart.

"My little singer," he pecked her cheek as he reached into his pocket to answer the call sounding from his phone.

"Go write me a sweet melody of yours, my talented singer," he whispered as he tapped her nose and strode out of the room.

Silence rang in her ears. Her faint smile haltered on her face as she slowly shrank back down to the sofa. A numbness took over her as it finally snapped. Her head spun dizzy as it dawned on her that she had no idea who she was anymore.

A/n
Hoping to get a few updates out this week :)