Carina:
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I was in my office doing the last of my paperwork before I go and do rounds.
I was having a pretty good day but that was until Andrea came storming into my office and closing the door behind him.
Well, hello to you too? I say sarcastically
Papa is coming. He says avoiding eye contact
Huh? I say cause I'm genuinely confused
Papa..... he's........He's coming to Seattle. He says like he's guilty
Why? I said
I invited him........
You what? I basically yelled
We haven't seen him for a while and I thought to get him a plane ticket so come and see us. He says
I want nothing to do with the guy. I say as I focus my attention back on my computer
Carina..... don't be like that. He says
Don't be like what? Selfish? Self-Centered?
Well yeah, exactly like that. He says
Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wanna protect myself from that crazy man and his words that deeply affect me, I am sorry that you don't understand.
Understand what carina, papa is a good guy........
That was all he said before I started laughing, pissing myself actually, I couldn't contain my laughter.
You have got to be joking Drea? I asked and he just stared at me.
Ok, you can see papa, count me out though. I say
K, he'll be here tomorrow if you change your mind. He says and i reply with " I won't" before he left my office.
—
I can already feel myself fill up with anxiety knowing he's going to be in the same city as me.
What if he finds out where I live and show up?
What if he See's me at work?
What if his word get the better of me once again and maya ends up leaving me cause she can't handle it all.
What if?
What if?
What if?
What if?
All these "What if's" kept popping into my head but maya? I can't lose maya, she's the only good thing I have left.
After Mama passed I had no one, no one, for 8 years, but maya.
Maya, she makes me genuinely happy, my heart smiles when I'm with her, my smile is real around her.
Before I know it I'm violently sobbing rocking back and forth with my knees up to my chest sitting on my chair trying to guide myself out of panic attack.
It feels like a thousand years is going by cause for some reason I couldn't calm myself down but before i realise anything is happening I'm being guided out of it.
Carina..... shhhhh...... calm down DeLuca, it's ok, you're ok. I hear.
I couldn't quite understand who was talking to me but their voice was calm enough to bring me out of the state I was in.
Breathe for me hunny, you're ok you're safe.
Roughly 15 minutes later I was finally calm and realised I'm with Bailey.
I——I'm sorry. I say with a cracked tone.
Nonsense, it's ok. She says
I don't even know what happened. I admitted
