Not sure if this makes sense but we're just gonna roll with it:))))))
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Carina:
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I've been in my own little world for the last couple days, I'm not really sure why but I've distant myself from everyone I don't want to go out, I got to work and as soon as my shift is over I head home.
I'd normally head over to Maya's place but she's who I've been avoiding.
It's not that i don't want to be around her because I do, I do but I'm not sure, I feel some sort of guilt.
Maybe not guilt but something, I feel something and I don't know what it is.
Maya, she thinks I'm this perfect person who has her shit together and grew up in a loving home and went to the beach with my brother, don't get me wrong we did go to the beach considering it was like down the street from me but it wasn't always that way, there's just so much of me that Maya doesn't know and I feel bad because I know about her father and what she went through and her brother mason and his addiction, I just feel like I should tell her bout me and my child hood.
I just don't want it to seem like I'm pushing her trauma to the side cause that's not what I want, I just don't find it fair on Maya that she doesn't know everything about me when I know everything about her, kind of thing.
There is also a part of me that's afraid.
Afraid Maya would see me differently or see me like my father cause I'm not going to lie I can be at times not in the bad sense no, I just have his temper and short fuse, that's probably more because of my Italian genes then my father but you get what I'm trying to say
It's going to be like I'm naked of some sort, like if I...... and I will I will eventually tell her everything but I'm just going to be naked, like the only person who knows everything about me is well me and to have someone else know is scary, it's scary to think they know everything and could just pity you after.
Not even Gabriella knows half of the stuff I gotta say, I gotta say it though it's only right, it's not fair to Maya or me.
Talking about Maya, she's been massaging me none stop and that's understandable I guess, I have been avoiding her and seeing her.
I've had 4 different messages from her today and it's only 10am
- Good morning Babe, how'd you sleep?
8:34 am that was sent
- Hey, are you working today? I can bring you coffee if you like haven't seen you in a while xx
That's was 9:06 am
The next one was,
- Are you ignoring me, have I done something wrong, I feel like you haven't spoken to me in ages.
That was sent right after the last one or more like 5 minutes after
And the last one that was sent just 2 minutes ago was.....
- if I have done something to upset you please tell me so we can figure it out or I can apologise. Maybe your going through something and just need some space and I'll respect that if you just tell me bubs, if you are just know I'm here if you wanna talk, no judgement I promise
xx
Now I feel bad because she thinks she's done something wrong and she hasn't it's just me being mad at myself.
I going to tell her everything, once I finish my shift.
I was going to reply back to her when i heard a knock on me door.
Come in. I shout and to my surprise in walks Maya.
Maya. I say
Carina, hello. She says
I was just about to reply to you. I say
