textbooks - jeongcheol

Seventeen

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a few days passed, jeonghan hadn't gone to school at all, he was a wreck. he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he just cried the whole time. he couldn't even face his friends, he didn't want to see their disappointed faces.

he also hasn't talked to jisoo, he didn't have the courage to face him. he was so scared of losing him, he didn't even know how to approach him. he was so scared jisoo would hate him.

jeonghan lays in his bed, he feels like shit. he doesn't want to do anything but lay there and cry. he had already missed a lot of school, but he didn't care, he couldn't go anywhere.

he hears a knock on his door, he groans, he was hoping his parents wouldn't bother him. "come in." he says, not bothering to move.

he hears his door open and then close, he can hear footsteps approaching his bed. he sighs, he just wants to be left alone.

he feels the weight on his bed shift, he assumes it's one of his parents,

"jeonghan-ah.. i know you're upset but you need to talk to me." his mom says,

jeonghan doesn't say anything, he just keeps looking up at the ceiling. he feels his mom put her hand on his arm, rubbing it gently.

"jeonghan please.. you have to talk to me, i'm so worried about you." his mom says, her voice shaky.

jeonghan sits up, his mom wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a tight embrace. jeonghan doesn't hug back, he just lets himself be held. he hasn't felt this comfort in a long time.

"i-i don't know what to do.. i messed up so badly.." jeonghan says, tears streaming down his face, "i messed up so bad mom.. i hurt everyone.. i'm so stupid."

his mom holds him tighter, rubbing his back gently, "it's okay honey.. i'm here for you, you can tell me anything."

jeonghan sniffles, he pulls away from his mom, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. he told her the story. the entire story. he told her everything, he told her about how he fell in love with seungcheol, how he couldn't control himself and how he kissed him that one time. he told her how he felt so guilty but he couldn't stop talking to seungcheol because he liked him too much. he told her how he was scared of losing jisoo so he kept it a secret from him. he told her how seungcheol assumed he was jisoo.

as this conversation was happening chan walked into jeonghan's room as well, he sat next to them on the bed. listening carefully to what jeonghan was saying. he'd rarely see jeonghan cry like this, he was always so strong. so seeing him so broken hurt.

chan lets out a sigh, "so let me get this straight, you and your best friend were crushing on the same guy and then you guys both ended up kissing him? what the fuck is wrong with you guys?" he asks, trying to lighten up the mood.

jeonghan looks at him, he doesn't laugh, he just sighs, "i'm so stupid chan, i shouldn't have done any of this. i ruined everything."

"you didn't ruin everything jeonghan, i'm sure seungcheol hyung doesn't hate you-"

"he does. he said he never wants to see me again.." jeonghan says,

his mom frowns, she puts her hand on jeonghan's cheek, "i'm sure he's just hurt, i'm sure he doesn't mean that."

"but he does mom. i hurt him so badly.. he called me a whore and he said he'll never forgive me." jeonghan says, "i can't even apologize because i have nothing to say, i fucked up so badly." chan raises his brow,

"he has no right to call you a whore. he's a dick for saying that. you're not a whore hyung. he's just hurt and he's taking it out on you. that's not right."