END ROADS

CHAPTER 70: I COULDN'T GO...

Dusk was here, the coven had become less busy and everyone was trying to relax after the hassle and bustle. My heart was beating erratically, now reality was opening his arms wide, with a killer smirk and it was not pretty. I pulled the warm jacket around me, Elia who seemed to find it hard to keep her distance was sitting on the sofas at the far end of the room watching me. Ethan and Clark were standing by the door looking at me sadly. Xavier was not around, he was not good at hiding his emotions so he was sparing himself the embarrassment of crying before everyone.
“We didn’t watch the sunset together”
Ethan begun, I looked at his face but then I just couldn’t. I cast my eyes to the ground.
“And I … you promised to bring Hazel back to me.”
“Am sorry!”
Ethan shook his head sadly “Now I think I hate that word too; it is like an ulcer. It makes me sick”
“I wish you wouldn’t go; everyone is sad because you are leaving. It is true we get to know the importance of something when we are losing it. I love your vibe girl. And I will miss you so much”
I ad nothing to say, no, I could not bring myself to say anything.
“The driver is waiting!” Arianna called from the door.
I glanced at Elia for a moment but she looked away. I sighed heavily and made my way to the door. I didn’t expect to find vampires lined at the corridors watching me walk away, they were silent, some sad, some disappointed and some were happy to see me leave. I kept my head low, my heart ached within my chest, I felt like my feet were made of lead, I could not lift them with easy. My soul was scattered, I could not feel him, he had shut himself out since yesterday. He probably was not back from the Flakes coven; he didn’t want to see me. We finally were outside, the soldiers were scattered all over, some gave me that sad look everyone was but most of them were disappointed. Jason crossed my path his face gloomy.
“You were a trouble maker, but at least master was happy to have you with him. He will be sad again! It will be bad this time”
He stepped back and let me through. The Mercedes stood at the far end of the driveway that was now white covered with the falling snow. Ethan and Clark stood behind me.
“Have a safe ride home”
They walked back inside; Arianna and I were the only ones left minus the guards that were on duty. I watched the dark machine waiting for me to ride on it and disappear from the Vines coven forever. I took a step forward and stopped, I couldn’t do it. The thought of him dying or feeling pain because of me was driving me crazy. I stopped and looked back at Arianna, she gave me a nod of assurance but it only made me feel hollow.
I took another step but I couldn’t, my heart ached I was restless and I felt like my heart had been turned inside out for that matter. I wanted to cry, his voice filled my mind and as if that was not enough his scent came. A thin thread, then I was drowned it making me feel dizzy as if I were drunk.
‘Adrian Grey! He is the death of me’
“Go ahead the chauffer is waiting. I will go back inside”
“Don’t leave me alone!”
She smiled bitterly “You are the one leaving us alone sweetheart, I will go back. I don’t want to cry…
She went back inside; I was alone staring at the dream I have always wanted. This was what I wanted to go back to the city and live my life. I inhaled and exhaled and walked to the car, I am going home… so I should be happy.
No, I couldn’t be happy! I had gone too far; I was in too deep to drag myself out. The emotions of the vampires I was bonded to swept me off my feet. They were heavy, they were sad, scared, confused and lost. I halted; my heart ached… I gripped my chest tightly trying to hold the pain in but it was unbearable. A grunt and a painful groan escaped my mouth. I squeezed my chest trying to hold it in, but it was like poison … it was suffocating me. I grunted and moaned in pain… as if it was not enough Grey's scent was thickening in air and the memories were coming again.

… Because… I like you too, and… You are crazy …About you… maybe… I know you like me, and I think I like you too…
Did he have to be the man I have been with? Now he was haunting, I could not think of anything, I only missed and yearned for his warm eyes to be on me. I yearned for his presence… for his touch … for his everything. I felt hollow inside, I felt hopeless, aimless and unwanted. I can’t leave him… I just can’t!
“Miss are you coming…
A black van emerged from the winding road ahead, it’s headlights shined brilliantly. I squatted there, waiting and hoping Grey was there too. I have to see him. The van halted, Steel was the first to jump out, he threw me an emotionless gaze and headed inside. The other eleven elders followed suit. Jayden stepped out as well. He looked at me for a long time, he looked like he wanted to say something but he held back and just went inside.
A long minute flew by when the wave of his scent came again, he stepped out of the van. Magnificent, temptingly handsome like the devil himself. He pulled the long black leather jacket around him and straightened it. He run his fingers through his hair and threw a cold glance at me. My heart drummed against my chest hard and I suddenly held my breath. My presence seemed to not bother him at all, his stance was comfortable as if nothing had happened. He started heading inside and the world darkened, the emptiness was dominating… the hollowness was chocking me to death. I can’t let him walk out.
“Grey…
He didn’t say anything, he kept walking.
“Grey!” I yelled
He halted and sighed but didn’t look back at me.
“It’s master Grey or Mr. Grey to you… miss Becky”
My heart squeezed painfully; my lungs were soar as if I was going to die any minute. I started moving towards him.
“Grey I…
“You should leave before I abduct you again and torture you to death. I will not spare you this time round” he turned to look at me his eyes dark, cold and hollow “If you don’t get in that car this moment… don’t blame me for what will happen next. Don’t walk into a lion’s den and expect to depart alive”
Tears gathered in my eyes; I could not hold them back… I let them flow freely. I swallowed bitterly, trying to find even a speck of warmth in those eyes but there was none. Just hollow, as dark as death.
“Will you do that if I let you?” I stretched my hands forward “Will you please abduct me, and torture me to death… please!”
He took a step forward, halted then stepped back.
“Don’t do that please… don’t step back. Please come and take me back to the torturing chamber… please”
“I cannot” he swallowed “I will fall in love with you again, then you will run at the end. I would rather let you go now, that I can”
“Then let me be the first to fall this time round… please!”
“No, just go… the city is beautiful… human life is simple. You don’t have to run or hide, or be afraid of a bunch of enemies trying to kill you. It is beautiful… go. Am sorry for claiming you… I got ahead of myself. But now you are free, Becky”
He looked at me with an intense gaze as he spoke… then he turned away from me. My heart ached, he was retracting and the pain was unbearable. He was blanketing his emotions so I wouldn’t know what he is feeling and that alone was ripping my heart out.
“Don’t go… please!” I called between tears. “Don’t do this, you do not have to do this. Please!”
“It is what you wanted, my love”
“Stop!” I yelled “If I go you’ll die… I know… the thought of it is making me go crazy. It is eating me from inside. No… I want you to live, I want you to be happy… please don’t do it”
He angrily turned around “And why do you care?!”
“Because I love you, I love you, you crazy prince. I love you Grey. I love you until it is making me go mad. I just love you okay?!”
He looked at me as if he had seen an alien that had just landed from space. He didn’t say anything for a long time, then he asked slowly.
“So, what do you want me to do?”
I stretched my hands to him. “Take me captive, and torture me till I learn how to hate you”
He pulled on his sexy smirk and his eyes sparkled. He took a step forward, then another, and another. Finally, he was standing in front of me. He took my both wrists in his single arm and pulled handcuffs from the pockets of the large leather jacket he was wearing. He cuffed my hands while his eyes held mine. His lips curled up “If you are abducted, you take orders from the one whom you live under his mercies” he said and took my hand “Come with me”
The next second we were standing in his secret cave, he snapped a finger and the torches on the walls lit up.
“There is no going back sweetheart… you had a chance to run, but you didn’t run. You walked yourself into the lion’s den, you have no one to blame if you get devoured.” He took a few steps ahead, then stopped. He was not okay.
“Grey…
“Don’t call me like that!”
“Mr. Grey…
“That is not my point!” he yelled looking at me tearfully, I stepped back out of fear. With a single stride, he was standing before me holding me at an arm length. I looked into his eyes… he was sad, he was angry, he was bitter… he was scared.
“Grey…
“Don’t … please don’t…
“Why are you…
“I love you …” I was tongue tied “I love you, Becky. I fucking love you!”
He broke down collapsing into my arms, his shoulders trembled violently as if he was going to shatter into tiny pieces. He lost a grip of his emotions and they came like a flush flood drowning me mercilessly. He was in pain, and it was my fault! Why was I so selfish… I did not think of how he would feel if I suddenly leave, I was only thinking about my hopeless desires to live like a human while clearly I was not one. I cast a spell and opened the cuffs, I needed to hold him.
I hurt him, I hurt my man … am horrible and his tears made me feel like the villain, I could not cage my own tears, I let them flow!

*******
We sat on the rock watching water run over the rocks smoothly. The lilies were beautiful, they made the painted walls look so beautiful.
“I was not joking when I said I will torture you”
“I knew you weren’t”
“How do you think I was going to torture you”
“In the sweetest and most tormenting way possible”
He giggled, “don’t make me think of crazy stuff”
“Now you can… but it is unfair. You knew I was your mate all along. I was freaking out that I was falling in love with the wrong person. I was scared but no matter what, I always found myself walking back in your arms”
“It was not easy for me either” he confessed “I always feared that you will run once you find out. There is a time I asked you, what if you were my mate. You know what your answer was?”
“What was it?”
“God forbid!”
I couldn’t help but laugh out hard “I seriously said that?”
“You can imagine your own mate telling you that”
“Oh, am so sorry, that must have been hellish”
“It was hell” he paused “Another thing I feared, is if I claimed you and you ended up hating me, it was scary. Holding back was so tough, almost impossible. Actually, it was impossible!”
“I should have known what you meant when you said I was stuck with you. The day I tried to run”
“You never took any of my words seriously, I gave you hints but you took none”
“I don’t know, I thought everyone was just pulling my skirts. Now I understand why you and Jayden always exchanged those knowing looks”
“He always found it funny, the way you were so protective with no knowledge of being my mate.