Always Hers

Always Hers (25)

Waliyah's P.O.V.

What is love? 

Does it have to be reciprocated by the other person to make it true love or does one person's decision, and heart have the power to be considered true and pure? Does love always have his much guilt as much as I do? Does love always feel this wrong, the way it feels wrong for me?

I know that I have a lot more obstacles to go through once these ceremonies begin, I have to watch him get engaged, watch his haldi, watch his nikkah, and go to his walima. But will I be able to hide these feelings all throughout? Or will I explode, like I almost was about to yesterday?

How long will I be able to stop myself from expressing what I have been dying to do out loud?

How long. . .

. . .

"Api!" Ayra barged into my room as I was writing in my diary, quickly shoving it under my pillow I  sat up as soon as I saw tears in her eyes.  She climbed on my bed and pulled me into a hug, she broke down crying as I sat stunned at her behavior.  "Api, Haider woh-'  (Wafa, Haider he-)

"What did Haider do?" I say firmly, as I feel my body fill with anger, "Did he do something to. you?"

Ayra continued to cry as I rubbed her back trying to help her calm down, "Ayra abh tum mujhe dara rahi ho,"  (You are scaring me now,  Ayra) I say slightly panicked,  "What did Haider do?"

"He got an application for a scholarship," She said through her cries, "And he's actually thinking about it." 

"Ayra," I say as relief washes over me because my mind had gone to much worse places, "Toh kya hoga?" (So what?)

"Kya hoga?" (So what?) She asked shocked, "Api if Baba finds out that he is planning on going abroad he is going to cancel everything, just like he did with you. I really really like Haider, Api."

I sit back, "He is not going anywhere."

"How can you say that so confidently?"

"Because," I say lying back down on my bed, "If he wanted to leave he would have left when he got his high school scholarship. Haider is not going anywhere, Ayra because he too, really really likes you." 

"How do you know?" Ayra wiped her tears away, 

"I just do," I know Haider, and if he wanted to leave he would. have left by now, but ever since Baba broke my and his elder brothers' engagement after he left, he has been hesitant to the same mistake he had made. Haider was just testing her, even know it was in a very twisted way, I know he isnt going anywhere, not unless he wants Baba to back out of this engagement too.

"Has he spoken to you?" Ayra looked at me suspiciously as she laid down beside me.

"No, he hasn't spoken to me." I rolled over so I was on my stomach, "I know Haider,  Ayra. He isnt like Shahmeer, he has a lot of love for you in his heart. He won't leave you, I can guarantee that."

I have always been alittle unlucky when it came to guys, no one truly began to love me as much as I would love them, the first example would be Haider's older brother Shahmeer, and then, now Samar. "Haider will always put you first," I comfort her, "He's a good man."

Ayra's face filled with relief, "That he is," She smiled at me, "And he's mine." I will never understand that happiness of getting to call someone mine, when the person I like will always be hers. . always.