3-23-23
My mind is not a place you wanna be
Nor is it one you wanna see
The spiraling thoughts will make you dizzy
Of self hate and cries for help
I have nothing left for me
It's all been taken
The only thing left his him
And yet my mind tells me he'll leave to
Anytime he mentions someone else
The voice tells me there he goes
I'll never be enough
Of course he'd find someone better
Fictional people make me question
I'm insecure of everything
The thoughts I have when I'm alone
Tell me I should just go
But how could I leave those hurting who care
If any of them actually do
I'm just the friend that people talk to when they're hurting
It's amazing how many have left since I stopped talking first
But yet when they have a problem come calling
I never talk about how I feel
Because then I feel like a burden
And half the time
I don't even know what I feel and when I do
I have no idea how to explain it
I try so hard to make everyone happy
But it's tiring
But I can't set boundaries because the second I do
I feel selfish for not doing what I used to
People say that I'm a bitch
For not wanting to be hurt again?
For not wanting to be vulnerable?
For finally setting boundaries?
This god complex keeps me safe
I don't get hurt here
At least I'll pretend that I don't
That your "jokes" don't hurt me
That I'm not now overthinking everything
That my mind isn't telling me that it was right
That I really am worthless
I often think
How does anyone put up with me?
Why are they still here?
I often wait for something bad to happen
Because it always does
Nothing lasts forever
And in the end
It'll be my fault things went wrong
It always is
My mind is not a place you want to be
