Better Kept Secret

chapter 8

At midnight, after watching a movie and some shows, we decide to go to his bed so we can lay down while we binge more TV.

"Go change while I make the bed," Ben tells me while grabbing clean sheets. I walk towards the bathroom with my steps feeling heavy and I can feel my eyes closing. It's not even late and I'm so tired. But we have to finish Outer-Banks. I'm not going to sleep until we do. I change quickly and look in the mirror at my pyjamas, which are fluffy Christmas bottoms and a black over sized tee. I usually sleep in a tank top, but i feel weird doing it after the tank top incident earlier this week.

When I get back into the room the bed is made perfectly with fresh grey sheets. Ben's changed into pyjamas too. His room is a light shade of grey with sports trophies, schoolwork, and clothes littered throughout it. It's definitely the messiest room in his perfectly clean home. There's a poster of some soccer team above his headboard too, as well as some photos, some of which I'm in. I stare at one in particular taken by his mom last summer. We're standing beside one of those signs that says the name of the town. I went on a beach trip with his family, the only trip I took last summer because my mother was definitely not leaving the house to go anywhere. We both have bright, wide smiles on our faces and I'm clinging to him tightly while hugging his mid section. He has one hand behind my back, his hand resting on my shoulder. I love that photo. We both look the happiest we've ever been and looking at it makes me want to hug him again. To smush the side of my face into his chest and inhale his scent.

I hop into the bed and crawl under the sheets, forgetting that I thought this situation was a little uncomfortable because all I want to do is curl up in his cozy bed.

"Turn the show on your laptop," I say. He gets under the covers and starts up the show. I try my hardest to focus all my attention on it, but I can't help the yawns that keep coming out of my mouth.

"You're too tired for this," he whispers to me and his hand brushes mine as he reaches for his computer. I immediately pull my hand away and hope he doesn't notice how weird that was. If he'd touched my hand a couple months ago, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

"No I'm not, I really want to finish it!" I say through another yawn.

He chuckles. "You literally just yawned. And I can see that your eyes are slowly closing. We can finish the rest tomorrow." He closes the laptop. Dang it! I really wanted to finish that.

"Asshole!"

"Be quiet my moms trying to sleep," he responds and we both giggle. I listen for a second and can hear her snoring from the other room. We both laugh again.

"So are you going to put your head at the end of the bed so we're facing opposite ways?" I ask while pointing to the edge. It wouldn't be the most comfortable but in my opinion it's better than sleeping facing each other. That would be like we're a couple or something.

"I don't want your feet in my face."

"As if. My feet smell fine." I see that he's trying to hold in his grin.

"It's not weird, we'll just sleep facing the same way. What's the big deal?"

"Nothing...it's just..." I say but don't finish. He looks at me expectantly for an answer but I just sigh and don't say what I want to. I get further under the covers, kind of cocooning myself and Ben's body heat radiates onto me. I let my eyes flutter close, and I just want to fall asleep, but I'm so aware of the fact that Ben is so close. I can practically feel his breath on my face. Sleep is what I need more than anything and I'm exhausted, but my body just won't let me. This is how it is most nights at home too. Always wanting to fall asleep, needing to, but I just can't.