Better Kept Secret

chapter 2

On Monday, it's scorching  again. I search my closet for jeans shorts and a tank top but the only one I can find barely fits me. It's from middle school and I look a little stupid in it, but I don't have any money to spend on new clothes. Everything from my job goes to groceries and paying the rent. I put on sunscreen, the smell of it and my tangerine perfume taking over the bathroom. I want to knock on my mom's door, to see how she's doing today but I know that she's had a particularly bad week, so I leave her alone.

I walk everywhere since we don't have a car, so I start walking like any other day. It's so hot today though and the sun is beating down hard. The saccades are singing and my forehead is already shining with sweat.

"You'll be there soon, Elowyn," I whisper to myself. The walk to school does not get easier. Even now in grade 11, I hate it as much as I hated the first day of freshman year. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Rachel
Girl hurry up u can't be late again😭

Me
im going as fast as I can

I check the time after the message from my friend and realize class starts in five minutes. One more late equals detention and the  thought makes my anxiety spike immediately. Crap, crap, crap. I run the rest of the way to school like my life depends on it. I like to think of myself as a pretty organized person but getting to school on time is not one of my strong suits. My lateness doesn't follow me to my job at the cream shop though, I'm just not a morning person.

"Oh my god!" I nearly trip and fall flat on my face multiple times but I make it there with around thirty seconds to spare.

Me
see im on time Rachel. i don't know why u doubt me😝

I'm still panting heavily throughout the first bit of my class, but so is everyone else with the weather being so hot and the lack of air conditioning in the building.

I don't have any friends in this class, so I sit in silence, listening to my teacher drone on. I do have friends though. I'm not a complete nobody. I just don't do well with new people, and I don't know anybody in this class.

I've worked on my anxiety, (social and just in general), my whole life but the bite of anxiety never goes away. I had a pretty bad stutter, which I went to speech therapy for but sometimes it still comes up when I'm nervous. It was my biggest insecurity and my mom didn't think it would be good for my future either. I didn't want anybody to know about speech therapy, but I was also so thankful for it. At school, I mostly hang out with my friends Rachel and Claire but a lot of the time Claire is hanging out with her boyfriend. Both the girls are a lot more outgoing than me, and closer to each other than me. Which is fine. Sometimes I feel left out, but that's what you get when you're part of a trio friendship and I love them no matter what.

I guess they're closer because they spend more time together, going to parties and stuff. It's not like they don't invite me, it's just really not my scene. My stutter would come out in full force, so I would probably just stand there by myself in fear.

At lunch time I walk to my locker and see Ben at his locker right beside mine. His hair looks messy, all rumpled up. I want to reach up and smooth it.

"Hey," he says without looking at me. "I was wondering if you'd help me with a few more things for the pep rally?"

"For sure."

He turns around to face me, "Thank- wait, what are you wearing?" The look on his face is all serious and his eyebrows are crinkling up. He acts like he's my big brother, constantly concerned about things like what I'm wearing. I would be lying if I said his over-protectiveness didn't bug me.

"What? A tank top." I look down at the lime green material and notice the neckline is quite low. My eyes widen, and I cough so I can put a hand on my chest, like I need it to stop.

"That barely fits you Winnie! You can't wear that here," he exclaims.

"I'm not going to get dress-coded, relax." I don't think so, at least. My paranoia kicks in and I feel like all the eyes on the hallway are on me, even though I know they're not.

"It doesn't cover...enough," he says while looking down at my chest, his cheeks turning red. Immediately, a deep blush overtakes me too because Ben and I don't talk about things like this. By things like this, I mean things that point out that I'm a girl and he's a boy. That sounds so childish and stupid, but it's true.

"Hey! It's hot outside, okay!" I storm away to the washroom to see if he's telling, the truth feeling eyes on me as I walk. I look in the mirror and realize how small it is on me, and suddenly I want to crawl out of my skin. My cheeks heat up as I try to stretch the fabric to how I usually like my clothes. The neckline is too low and it's clinging too tightly to my body. I really need to go shopping, I can't keep wearing clothes from middle school that you can definitely tell are from back then.

I'm embarrassed that I sat in class like this all day but even more embarrassed that Ben had to see this wardrobe malfunction. I'm also equally surprised that I didn't get dress coded yet. I walk out to our lockers again, folding my arms over myself.

"Seriously. You shouldn't wear that, take my gym shirt."

"Your gym shirt? That's disgusting I'm not wearing that!"

"The boys in this school are gross Winnie. I've seen at least three guys in the hall check you out already. Just change."

"Ben!"

"I'm m being serious. It's clean. I swear," he says while shaking the shirt at me.

"Women can dress however they want, but fine, I'll take it if you insist," I say to him, not letting him know that the shirt he's holding is exactly what I want right now. I grab it from his hands and walk into the washroom to change. This thing is huge, I mean Ben is a whole foot taller than me. I'm drowning in the grey fabric and it looks like I'm wearing a dress. I don't want to be weird, but I left the material up to sniff it. It smells like him. It has an aroma of lemon and cedar, his cologne and shampoo, and I feel like he's just wrapped me in a hug.

"I look ridiculous," I huff while looking into the mirror, but beggars can't be choosers.

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Authors note🎀🎀

What do you guys think of Ben?? Is he a good fit for her?

Thanks for reading!