You would think I would be trying my hardest to hear the conversation going on in the room beside, but I honestly really don't want to. It's about my future, I should want to know every detail. But I don't. In fact, I want to cover my ears so I don't hear anything at all.
I feel relaxed, like a silent haze has taken over my mind. I don't want to worry, I just want to be here.
I sit on the brown couch, picking at the strings on the blanket while Ben talks to his mother about the situation. After taking a long nap in his car, Ben drove me over to his place. It took some calming down to get me ready to tell his mom, but here we are now doing that. I don't know if I'm ready, if I would have chosen to tell someone if Ben hadn't walked into my apartment, but it doesn't really matter. This is now, this is how things worked out, and I just have to deal. Which maybe I'm not doing so well at because instead of telling Ben's mom myself, I'm hiding in his living room while he tells her.
I hear their voices, scarcely muffled by the walls, but I block them out of my mind.
Their voices stop and their feet begin to patter against the flower. Ben's mother comes in with a serious but sympathetic expression on her face. Ben walks in beside her, towering over his tiny mom. Despite her size, her demeanor and presence in the room is large.
"Oh, hon, you could have told us before," she says, and in the next breathe, "But I'm glad you're telling us now."
She sits down and wraps an arm around my shoulders, rubbing lightly. I feel safe in her embrace, melting into her. She's always been a mother figure to me. When I was little, out of my mother and her, she was the strict one. Not scary, but she had rules. Structure that my mother didn't have, that made her seem so wise.
She takes a deep breath, her bushy brows, the same ones Ben has, rising "Your mother needs help Elowyn," she says softly. "She can't do this on her own." I look up at her, my shoulders hunched and my head dropped. Her eyes seem to soften even more when I look her in the eye. I realize I haven't said anything at all, not even hi.
"Would you like to stay here tonight? And I'll go see your mother."
"S-see her?" I croak out.
"She knows her well, and it's someone other than you trying to do something. Maybe it'll help," Ben says from above me as he stands looking downwards.
I lick my lips.
"Okay. I guess there's nothing else I can do." As I say the words, I feel strange. When I would lie awake at night wondering how this scenario would play out, my stomach would churn. I imagined it being awful, telling the truth sounding like nails on a chalk board, or feeling like accepting defeat. But I don't feel that way. I feel lighter, somehow. I guess I'm accepting help, not defeat.
"Why don't you go set up a place for Elowyn to sleep," Ben's mom says. "In the basement," she adds while giving him a pointed look and I blush. I guess that means she knows we're together.
"Okay mom."
"Thanks for the help Mrs. Grayson," I add, looking earnestly into her eyes.
"You know I would do anything for you Elowyn." And with that, she leaves the room.
After the whirlwind of a day, I'm tired. Not angry like I was in the morning, or so sad either. Just trying to look through the hazy fog in my mind. For a while, I can't tell if I feel numb or just calm, but now I realize it's leaning towards being calm.
"So I guess you told her about us then," I say, breaking the fog.
"Did you think I wouldn't?" I don't answer because, honestly, I didn't think he would be itching to tell anyone about me. Despite everything, I still thought he would be ashamed I'm not someone who seems as perfect as Gloria, that I'm someone who has less money than all the other rich kids that live on his street, but I think it's time I stop. Plus, who says that Gloria's so perfect? Who says things aren't going on in her life, that she doesn't have secrets too, hidden behind her money and looks.
"Let's go set up the couch then. Mom will make something for dinner, but until then... We could just watch TV?"
I nod and he leads me down to the basement, where we gather sheets to put on the couch.
"Thanks for letting my mom help," he murmurs while dumping a pile of pillows and sheets on the couch.
"Why are you thanking me? I should be thanking you."
He pushes an unruly chunk of hair out of his face, arching a brow at me.
"But I didn't do anything."
"I didn't do anything," I retort, placing the sheets down on the couch. Ben grabs one end of the blanket while I grab the other, fluffing it up and down. "And yes you did."
"How about neither of us thanks anyone," he says with a grin and I giggle, glad to be having a normal moment.
"Sorry you have to sleep here. My mom won't let us share a room anymore, since we're together. Or maybe because of the last time you slept over."
I squeak. Pink rises on my cheeks and chest at the mention of our last sleepover and what his mom thought we were doing.
Ben laughs while looking away, amused by my discomfort.
"Why do you look so disgusted?" He says teasingly while propping up two pillows.
"I-I don't! I mean- I-I." He cackles at my awkwardness, pecking me on the check, and then I really turn red.
"You look like a tomato," he says, all giggly and I roll my eyes. I want to kiss him, bad. I wonder what Mrs and Mr Grayson would think if they saw us kissing, if a little peck would offend them.
Instead of kissing him though, I look up at him with a smile that I hope shows everything I want to say. He smiles back, perfect blue eyes twinkling.
"Would you mind if I just rested for a bit? And then came back up at dinner?" He nods his head, leaving me to my thoughts.
I sit down on the couch, curling up in the material of slightly scratchy blankets, and check my phone. There's a message from Claire in our group chat asking where I was today.
My fingers hover over the keys, not sure what I want to say. Do I want to do some more lying? Do I want to spill my guts? I almost do, typing out a paragraph about everything, my fingers struggling to move as fast as my brain, but then I pause, thinking it over. Delete, delete, delete.
Me
My mom is having some rough times right now, and we're trying to help her out. I think I'll be back in school tomorrow though, hopefully
Claire
I hope everything's ok❤️❤️
Rachel
Me too
Text us if you need anything
It's quick, easy, and does not leave me feeling defeated. Strange. Strange how I thought everything would be so much worse.
I fall back onto the pillows, staring up at the blank ceiling. I feel like my mind is blank too, relaxed. And I'm fine. Everything is fine.
✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦
Sorry I haven't updated in forever:(
It's almost the end of the book so I've just lost motivation. I've been editing the chapters tho
Also I don't remember if Ben's eyes r blue or brown so hopefully I got it right?? Please comment if u have any feedback tho or if u notice any inconsistencies
Thx for reading🩷🩷🩷🩷
YOU ARE READING
Better Kept Secret
RomanceElowyn "Winnie" Smith met Ben when she was 4 years old. They've been best friends since they were 6. After her dad died when she was 13, he was the only person she wanted to talk to. He should know everything about her, shouldn't he? But he doesn'...
