Better Kept Secret

chapter 16

I turn quickly towards the person grabbing me and I'm met with the same eyes that I
locked with on the beach.

"Why are you trying to run away baby?" Mark says with a smirk. Ugh, that gross nickname makes me feel sick.

"M-m-mark... What ar-are you d-doing here?" I say while trying to pretend I'm not scared.

"I came here to see you. Have you been avoiding me?" He says while brushing my skin with his thumb.

"Let go. I don't want to t-talk to you." I try to shake my arm from his grip but he just pulls me closer to him. It's almost completely dark outside and the sounds of the party and the night overwhelms me.

"Don't be such a bitch," he says while pushing me against a tree. "I know you want this," he whispers in my ear. "Everyone's scared their first time."

I whimper. This is not happening, this is not happening. He didn't just say that. He didn't mean it. The rough bark of the tree pokes against my skin and then scratches my back up.

I push against him trying to free myself but he has me trapped against the tree and I'm much smaller than him, unable to beat his strength and I hate feeling so overpowered. He starts kissing my neck again reaching for the tie in my bathing suit to take it off. It's a blur of touching and tears and fear. His hands prod and grope while I struggle. The clasp on my bathing suit eventually comes off and I struggle more desperately. He looks down at my bare skin eagerly. His stare makes me more scared than him touching me does. As he continues to force his lips onto me and his hands on my breasts, I'm at the perfect angle to knee him in the crotch. With all my force, I send my knew driving upwards to hit him and he stumbles, grabbing at himself.

With blurry vision from tears and the dark forest, I run fast while holding my bathing suit up with my hands. My blood pumps loudly in my ears and I suck in breaths desperately as I run, thinking I might have a panic attack again. When I finally think I've gotten far enough I sit down shakily and hug myself into a ball, crying silently. With shaky hands I tie my bathing suit and feeling violated that he took it off. I feel weak from stress and pain, my legs are wobbling. I didn't think he would try to touch me again, to go as far as to follow me through a forest. I didn't expect my night to turn to shit so quickly.

With my shaking legs I carry myself out of the forest heading towards the parking lot. There's a bus stop near by and I can just text Rachel to let her know I wasn't feeling well. When I reach the end of the trees, I keep my head down so hopefully no one notices me, or at least doesn't notice that I'm crying. I maneuver my way through crowd and take a quick glance up. A tall frame stands in front of me and of course, it's Ben again.

"Winnie?" He says while trying to look at me in my eyes. I continue to walk, maybe he'll think I didn't hear him. He still follows me though. "Are you okay?" He says while reaching for my arm, making me flinch.

"I-I'm okay. I don't feel well. I've got to go." My voice comes out in a squeak and cracks. With my speed walking and him trying to keep up, we've walked completely away from the party and are at the front of the parking lot where no one is.

"Stop running away," he says. I close my eyes, take a deep breathe and turn to face him. His eyes soften as they settle on my face, probably noticing the red blotchiness on my skin from crying. "What's the matter? Are you upset with me? Please don't tell me you're crying because of me."

"I'm not crying," I say firmly while casting my eyes downwards.

"I'm so sorry. You know I never want to hurt you. Let's just forget that we ever fought." I almost want to cry again because of his sweet words. He's worried about me even though I'm the one who hurt him. I can't let him believe this is his fault.

"No, I've been a jerk. And I'm sorry. This," I motion to myself, "isn't because of you."

"Then what happened? Please, I went to help you." I won't meet his eyes but his keep searching my face, begging me to look at him. I feel nauseous from guilt and embarrassment. And I feel undeserving of him. There's a knot in my throat and all of a sudden I'm crying again. Hot tears travel down my face as I hug myself with my arms.

"Don't cry Winnie," he says softly. His strong arms envelop me in a hug and I lean into him. Luckily, he's wearing a shirt now and I'm not pressed into his bare chest, but my tears and snot are leaving a wet mark on it. I don't care though, I just want to cry. I just want him to hold me while I cry.

He strokes my hair like he's petting a kitten, whispering that it'll be okay in ears. I pull away after a while and look at the mess I left on him. I tell him I'm sorry and he tells me not to worry about it.

"It just feels like my life is a mess right now and... and..." Part of me is begging myself to tell him about Mark. I don't know if I can take anymore. "And Mark wont leave me alone," I finish. He looks at me strangely, his nostrils flailing a little.

"What do you mean?" He asks, and I look at his perfect features that are standing out because of the street lights. I gnaw at my lip for a second and look away from him again.

"He offered me a ride the other day and h-he was touching me."

"What do you mean touching you?" Ben grinds out. I whimper like a child.

"He held me against him with his arms and he," I take a deep breath. "Put his hands up my shirt. That kind of stuff, y'know." My cheeks flame with embarrassment and my eyes water again. "Today he followed me into the forest and he pushed me up against a tree so he could k-kiss me an-and touch me. He-he... He um h-he," I stutter. I try to take a calming breath so that I can just spit it out but my tongue keeps getting tangled on the words. Ben rubs my arm reassuringly, silently letting me know that it's okay that my stutter is bad right now, and to be patient. "He-he took off my top."

"What the fuck?" Ben says with his neck muscles standing out a bit. I can't tell if he doesn't believe me or if he's furious. He's quiet for a while and I'm terrified of what he's going to say next.

"Just forget that I told you," I say quickly. "It's not a big deal." Finally he opens his mouth to speak.

"I'm going to kill him," he says and before I can stop him he turns toward the beach, knowing exactly where he's headed.