Better Kept Secret

chapter 1

Hoping to wake myself up after sleeping in, I splash my face with cool water. I rub at the tiredness in my eyes and apply lotion and perfume to freshen up a bit. The deep bags under my eyes have gotten worse, because I'm not sleeping as much as I should. I've been too anxious lately, too worried about my mom. My phone pings with a notification from my oldest friend, Ben.

Ben
where r u?

Though I'm a perpetually late person, I did promise Ben I'd actually be on time to his house today to help him out. Forgoing the mascara I planned to put on, I rush around my apartment looking for clean clothes. Things are kind of a mess around here, so sometimes my only clean pair of socks are in a hamper in the kitchen, and my shirts are in a pile on my bed. Before heading out, I look in the mirror again. I smile because despite my eye bags and lack of mascara, I feel pretty today. My long honey coloured hair cascades down my back in slight waves from the braid I had in yesterday. My skin is pale and despite the fact that I've grown up close to the beach my whole life, I never have a tan. I just get burned. Summers here are beautiful, with the beach being so close by and gorgeous fields surrounding the town. Quickly, I put on flip flops while rushing to the door.

"Mom!" I say. "Mom, I'm meeting with Ben now!"

She doesn't respond. I knew she wouldn't, but I think she would still like to know where I am.

Ben and I have been friends since kindergarten, when his family moved into town. Ever since we were little, he's had my back and protected me. He acts like he's my big brother, especially since my dad passed. After he died, he was one of the only people I wanted to talk to and I feel like he took on a more protective role too because my dad wasn't there anymore to do that. He's done so much for me and I can't even get to his house on time to help with a small favor. I really need to pull myself together.

Ben's got his issues like anyone else, but really, everyone knows he's a total golden boy. He gets straight A's every year, he's captain of the soccer team, and everyone's mom loves him because he's really polite and calls them ma'am. What's not to like?

✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦

"What do you need these for anyway?" I say to Ben as I paint a soccer ball on a large piece of paper. I stretch my feet out onto the grass and dig my calves in. I'm carless, so I had to walk to Ben's house and my legs are tired. It only made me about forty minutes late.

"Winnie. Have you been paying attention to anything?" Ben says to me. I look at him blankly. "It's for the pep rally!" He hands me another brush. "C'mon, I didn't think you were that clueless. Show some school spirit" he says sarcastically. Ben's backyard is gorgeous and gloriously big. It's got perfectly green grass and pops of colour everywhere from the garden that his mother meticulously works on everyday. I love spending time in it because it's perfect, but also because I don't have one. One of the many downsides to my apartment building.

"I-I just forgot for a second. I would never miss one of your big games." He raises an eyebrow at me. "Okay, that was one time! And I had a really hard test earlier in the day. You would have slept through the game too!" A laugh ripples through him as he continues to write on the poster.

"Whatever you say," he replies through a smile. His grin always makes my insides feel mushy. Just because we're best friends doesn't mean I'm blind to his good looks. Like every other girl at school, I notice his attractiveness. I notice the subtle wave in his brown hair and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles that perfect smile with perfectly straight teeth. But so does everyone else, probably including some of the moms that are obsessed with him. The difference is that I knew him when he had braces for three years to achieve that perfectly straight smile, unlike all the other people who fawn over him. And that's the exact reason why I can't think about how I could stare at his face for hours.