Better Kept Secret

chapter 1

Hoping to wake myself up after sleeping in, I splash my face with cool water. I rub at the tiredness in my eyes and apply cream and perfume to freshen up a bit. I have deep bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep. I've been too anxious lately, too worried about my mom. While heading to the kitchen, I check my phone.

Ben
where r u?

Shit. I check the time and realize I was supposed to meet Ben, my oldest friend, ten minutes ago. I rush around my apartment, looking for clean clothes. God, I feel awful, I promised I would be on time today. Before heading out I look in the mirror again. I smile because despite my eye bags, I feel pretty today. I have long honey coloured hair that cascades down in waves on my back. My skin is pale and despite the fact that I've grown up close to the beach my whole life, I never have a tan. I just get burnt. Summers here are beautiful, with the beach being so close by and gorgeous fields surrounding the town. I can't wait until school is out and summer break is here. I throw my hair up and grab my phone, quickly putting on flip flops before rush to the door.

"Mom!" I say. "Mom, I'm meeting with Ben now!"

She doesn't respond. I knew she wouldn't, but I think she would still like to know where I am.

Ben and I have been friends since kindergarten, when his family moved into town. Ever since we were little, he's had my back and protected me. He acts like he's my big brother, especially since my dad passed. After he died, he was one of the only people I wanted to talk to and I feel like he took on a more protective role too because my dad wasn't there anymore to do that. He's done so much for me and I can't even get to his house on time to help with a small favor. I really need to pull myself together.

Ben's got his issues, (and quirks, like being weirdly scared of snakes as a 16 year old boy, but anyways), but I guess you could call him a Golden Boy. He's a straight A student and captain of the soccer team, a total popular kid too. Maybe popular isn't the right word though. Just better at socializing.

Which is definitely not something I'm good at.

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"What do you need these for anyway?" I say to Ben as I paint a soccer ball on a large piece of paper.

"Winnie. Have you been paying attention to nothing?" Ben says to me. I look at him blankly. "It's for the pep rally!" He hands me another brush. "C'mon, I didn't think you were that clueless," he says jokingly. Ben's backyard is gorgeous and gloriously big. It's got perfectly green grass and pops of colour everywhere from the garden that his mother meticulously works on everyday. I love spending time in it because it's perfect, but also because I don't have one. One of many downsides to my apartment building.

"I'm not! I-I just forgot for a second. I would never miss one of your big games." He raises an eyebrow at me. "Okay, that was one time! And I had a really hard test earlier in the day. You would have slept through the game too!" A laugh ripples through him as he continues to write on the poster.

"Whatever you say," he says through a smile. His grin always makes my insides feel mushy. Just because we're best friends doesn't mean I'm blind to his good looks. Like every other girl at school, I notice his attractiveness. I notice the subtle wave in his blonde hair and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles that perfect smile with perfectly straight teeth, but so does everyone else. The difference is that I knew him when he had braces for three years to achieve that perfectly straight smile, unlike all the other girls who fawn over him. And that's the exact reason why I can't think about how I could stare at his face for hours.

It's been extra hot this year and the sun is making us both sweat. I wipe at my brow while looking up at the blue sky. I like the weather being like this, but God it's hot today.

"I need water Ben. Do you want any too?" He nods yes at me and I get up off the grass to walk inside his home. His family is pretty well off, so he's got a big home too. I like spending time at his house a lot better than mine. My apartment started to feel less and less like a proper home since my dad died on that terrible day three years ago.

I quickly glance back at Ben to see he's watching me walk towards his house. He smiles tightly at me, then looks away. Knowing that he was watching me makes me feel weird. Without thinking about it, I begin chewing on my already raw lips while thinking about his eyes watching me.

I walk into the kitchen taking in the surroundings of their freshly cleaned counters. It makes me embarrassed of my home because it's not nearly as nice as this. Avery, Ben's little sister, is sitting on the couch watching Victorious. I giggle as the characters dance around the stage of their high school. I don't dare interrupt Avery though, she can get feisty when she's annoyed. I fill up the cups with water and get ice from the fridge to drop in.

"Hello?" A deep voice shouts from the front entrance, startling me. I hear foot steps coming closer to the kitchen, getting louder and louder.

"There you are!" says Ethan.

"You scared me! I didn't know you were coming over," I say to my friend.

"You're acting like you don't wanna hang out with me. Who doesn't want to hang out with Ethan?" He says teasingly.

Me, I think. But I don't mean it. Ethan, Ben, and I have hung out together since elementary school. I love Ethan. It's just that I haven't really gotten to spend any time with just Ben in a while. Ethan, Ben, and I used to be a trio but of course, in middle school there was a while where I decided that boys were gross so we became less close. Now we hang out a couple times a month.

"Help me carry the water out," I say before we head out to see Ben again.

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"She forgot the lyrics to the national anthem while singing them at our game," Ethan says between laughs. "You should have seen her face! It was hilarious."

"Poor Josey!" I say but I can't hold in my giggles. We finished up the last of the posters for the rally, so now we're just sitting in the grass.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Ben says to me. I would like to have some of his mom's spaghetti... But I can't.

"I wish I could but I have a lot of homework. I should probably go now." That's half the truth. I do have a lot of homework, but I'm more worried about my mom and getting her some dinner.

"Okay. I'll drive you." I say goodbye to Ethan and get into Ben's car, which smells like lemon. It smells delicious, just like Ben. The scent comes from Ben's hair wash that his mom buys from Costco. It's perfect for him too, bright and lively. He's used it since middle school.

"Are you sniffing the air?"

"No!" I say, embarrassed. I look down at my hands. I didn't even realize I was. There's silence."Okay I was. It just smells nice in here." Half of his face pulls up into a smile, turning me mushy and he chuckles. After driving for a bit, he looks at me thoughtfully. For the second time today, I feel uncomfortable under the weight of his stare, but not because I don't want it.

I catch him looking at me a lot. I guess it's just because of his protective nature. I catch him when he thinks I don't notice.

"You look tired, Winnie," Ben says, finally interrupting the silence.

I scoff, "Thanks?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Are you getting enough sleep lately? Because I remember when you barely slept last year and that was-"

I cut him off. "I'm fine. You really don't have to worry about me. It's giving you wrinkles. I just have a lot of school work." I give him a reassuring smile.

"Okay. I just want to make sure you're alright." I'm glad he dropped it quickly, unlike the other times he's questioned me about my well being.

"Bye Piglet," I say smiling and hop out of the car. He smiles back immediately, a childish look on his face from the use of his nickname. Ben has always called me Winnie, because it's short for Elowyn, but also because of Winnie the Pooh. When we were little he said my honey coloured hair reminded him of it. I call him Piglet in return, because the two of us are like them, best friends forever.

I can feel his gaze on me as I walk to the door, following my steps. I don't know why he's so concerned. No one else is. I look back and see him through his car window, his eyes covered by the shadow, but I can still see worry in the lines of his lips.