Better Kept Secret

chapter 11

"Go Tigers!" The cheerleaders scream for the millionth time. It's been a long half hour of speeches and presentations, and I couldn't be more over it. I scan the crowd for Ben's brown shaggy hair. His bright red jersey catches my eye, and I take him in, standing beside Gloria, a cheerleader. He leans down to her ear to whisper something and she laughs while batting at his chest, her hand lingering for a moment. Jealousy immediately hits me. What's going on with them? I've never seen him even talk to her before.

Ben's had a girlfriend before, Sam. She was nice but I never really spoke to her. I think she didn't like that Ben and I were so close, which is understandable. They broke up in December and since then he hasn't been going out with any other girls. I don't know why I'm jumping to conclusions that, since he whispered to a pretty girl, that they must be going out. Ugh, when did I become so crazy? Ben turns his head towards my section and I give him a small wave. The corner of his mouth turns up into a half smile while he raises his eyebrows at me. My stomach does that thing, flipping and flopping like a dying fish is inside me. I can stare at him from up here without getting caught, so I do, taking in how handsome he is. He doesn't catch me, I don't think, because he never looks back at my section of the crowd of students.

After the pep rally (a.k.a, staring at Ben), it's the end of school but I'm staying because Ben's game starts soon. I ask Rachel if she's coming too because she usually does, but tonight she can't. I might not have to sit alone though if Claire is here watching her boyfriend. Before I can text her though, I hear a voice calling my name.

"Elowyn!" The voice is distinct and familiar. Ethan. I look back to see him in a bright purple hoodie, jogging towards me lightly while bumping or classmates with his shoulder.

"Oh hey! Are you staying for the game?" I ask.

"Ya, you should come sit with me." I smile back at him and follow him towards the seats. I always feel comfortable with Ethan even if we don't hang out that much anymore. I think it's something about his cool stride and laid back attitude. He's ready to talk to and be around. If you don't feel like talking, he doesn't mind, because he's always content to just chill. Sitting in the area of the bleachers he takes us to is Gloria, just down two steps hanging out with her friends. Some of Ethan's other friends are at the game, so all of us chat together.

"Ethan," I say. "Don't you have football after school?" He gives me a look but I can't read what he's trying to tell me with his facial expressions. "What's going on?" I whisper.

"I quit. I just haven't told Kate yet," he says while pointing to one of the people in his friend group. Kate is his very long time, and very obvious crush.

"Why would she care? Why would you need to personally tell her?" I say with a laugh.

"She thinks it's cool that I'm on the football team. She loves it! I don't want to disappoint." I can't help but laugh. Ethan's funny too. Actually, Ethan is exactly who I want to be, minus the poor fashion choices of things like bright purple hoodies. Everything seems to bounce off of him, and he can make jokes about anything.

"I really do like her," he continues. "I want her to think I'm, I don't know, more than the goofy guy. Or whatever." He leans back, spreading his legs wider. He looks as calm as ever, but with a suddenness, I realized his eyes sound a lot like the ones in my head. Always worrying about his others perceive me.

I whisper, "Kate likes you Ethan. Because you're funny."

"Ya?" He says with a laugh. I nod.

"I have to go to the washroom, watch my food," Ethan tells me before getting up. I watch his lazy stride as he walks away, stopping to talk to everyone, because everyone really does like him (including Kate). I watch the game silently for a bit, trying to pay attention but a lot of it is pretty boring to me. Eventually I'm just staring at the grass, listening to the conversations around me. From below I hear Ben's name and my ears perk up. Am I totally, embarrassingly, obsessed with him?

"And he's totally into me," I hear someone say. I look downwards to see that Gloria is talking. "We'll probably go out soon, I can tell he's nervous to ask. Ugh, isn't Ben just so cute." Ben? Ben who? My Ben? Of course that Ben, I correct myself. Of course it's the guy she was talking to earlier today dumby. And, he's not actually my Ben. I need to stop.

But why wouldn't he have told me?

"I see the way he looks at you. If he doesn't ask you on a date soon you should just ask him. There's nothing wrong with that. You two would be perfect for eachother," her friend says to her.

I feel jealous all over again because they would be perfect together. So much more perfect, so much more right than Ben and I. And why didn't he tell me? He usually tells me everything.

I can barely focus on the rest of the game with the new information swirling in my head. Every little thing they say,  I think I heard the word Ben, only to eavesdrop a little closer and hear they're not talking about him at all. Eventually, the game ends with a victory from our team, but I don't even notice until Ethan pokes my shoulder to ask if I even paid attention to the winning goal. After, I go to the parking lot to congratulate Ben but he's been swept away by his team. They're all celebrating together, a lot of the cheerleaders are following them to the parking lot too so they can get a ride to the after party.

Even though he's practically surrounded by the whole soccer team, I walk towards his car.

"Congrats Ben," I say to him.

"Thanks. That was awesome right?"

"Yup," I say, sounding awkward. We've been friends my whole life, and I can't think of a what to say to him. I'm about to ask him if he can give me a ride home when he tells me he has to go.

"The teams waiting on me, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He says to me and then walks over to his friends. One of whom is Gloria.

I texted Claire earlier, and she's not here. I guess that means I'm walking home alone. It's dark out and I would feel safer driving but this neighborhood isn't that bad, so I should be fine.

I began my trek home, ignoring the voices of people celebrating with their friends. I could have gone with Mark and had fun like everyone else, but I know it's not a good idea.

First off, I don't want to lead him on. Second, I don't fit in with these 'popular people' and lastly, I really need to get home to check on mom after being out all evening.

I'm about five minutes away from the school when a car slows down beside me...

✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦

Authors note

Cliffhanger ig but rlly I just cut the chapter in half because it was getting too long lol

Make sure to vote and comment! 🎀🎀