Better Kept Secret

chapter 22

I walk into school with a skip in my step because I'm so excited to see Ben. I'm a little worried it might be a bit awkward, but I'm barely thinking about that part because I just want to see his face. I spent the night in my mom's bed and woke up with drool on my cheek. I had the best sleep of my life despite worrying over my parents before bed. Something about the memory of my afternoon at the beach and my mom being close must have lulled me into a deep sleep.

I know Ben already said he thinks I'm pretty, but I put a little extra effort into my appearance today by putting on some blush and a nice white dress. Rachel might question me about why I'm so happy but I can't contain my smile.

My head is held high as I walk down the hall but I feel like people are giving me strange looks, which can't be true. But I can't shake the feeling that they are as another person's gaze lands on me for a bit too long.

When I get to my locker my confidence falters a bit but I'm still smiling. Ben isn't at his locker. He's probably late to school again. I hear shoes padding towards me and beside me is Rachel.

"Hi Rachel!" I say brightly. She looks at me confused.

"Why are you so upbeat?" She raises an eyebrow, I'm not sure of confusion or concern or both.

"Just cuz," I respond while stuffing my books into my locker.

"Look, I trust you and I don't believe rumors, but is it true?" Now it's my turn to be confused. Does she mean about me and Ben? How would she have heard about that? It's not like we're a couple already or anything.

"W-what do you mean?" Her eyes widen and now pity is all over her face. What the fuck is going on? My stomach knots up and my once happy feeling changes quickly to nausea. She grabs me arm pulling me into the washroom. "What's going on Rach?" I ask, my voice cracking. She checks the stalls for any people and I become more nervous. "Why can't you just tell me?"

She takes a deep breathe. "You seriously have no idea?" I nod no. "About what Mark's been saying?" My stomach drops to my toes.

"Mark? What do you mean?" Of course something has to go wrong on a day I was so excited about.

"He's telling everyone that you slept together." I'm frozen in my spot not believing what she's saying. "He's saying that it happened a week ago and at the beach party you were begging to do it again and when he rejected you, you started crying. And then Ben saw you crying so he tried to beat him up."

"Begging?" I croak out.

"I don't believe it," she says while grabbing my wrists. "Even if it is true, who really cares who you want to sleep with? I don't."

"It's not true! Why would I beg him? I hate him."

"I know. I'm just worried for you because he's been telling people some pretty nasty things. He's calling you a slut." My chest constricts and I feel my eyes starting to water. I didn't want to have to tell anyone about what he did. I can either let people believe this, or tell my secret. But I can't. I just can't. Rachel leans in, probably noticing the moisture in my eyes.

"It'll be fine," she says. "Probably no one will say anything." I squeeze her tighter, appreciating her kindness. "And if they do, they have me to answer to." I laugh. "You think I'm joking but I'm serious," she says as she pulls away still holding onto my forearms. "I will demolish them." I laugh again sadly and look into the mirror to make sure my eyes aren't red. When I look at myself I don't feel as pretty as I did this morning. I smooth out my dress and dab at my eyes. My giddiness has faded and now I just feel sick to my stomach.

When I get to class I try to not feel self conscious but I do. I don't feel good about myself anymore. I feel like I look stupid in my dress. Like I'm trying to hard.

Half way through the class, I notice the girls beside me whispering to eachother and glancing my way. I ignore it because, what else can I do? After a while though one of them taps on my shoulder.

"Was it really that good?" The girl, I think her name is Mary, says.

"Excuse me?" I reply hoping they don't mean what I think they mean. She rolls her eyes.

"You're the one who begged him for a round two, you know what I mean," she says with a giggle and her friend joins her. "I always thought he was cute but I mean..." Her voice breaks off into laughter and I'm stunned into silence.

"You really cried over not getting Mark to sleep with you again? And Ben beat him up so does that mean you're with Ben or something?" The other girl asks. My shock fades into anger.

"It's not true," I snap. "Mark's a dick and a loser and none of it happened. I promise you, Mark is the last person I want touching me," I finish with a huff. "Anyway it's not like it's any of your business."

"Damn! I didn't mean anything by it I just thought it was crazy to cry over not getting a guy to sleep with you," Mary says with a shrug.

"Well it's a good thing I wasn't," I turn away from the two and feel like crying. From embarrassment and because I'm so angry. "I can't believe his sorry ass would make up a rumor like that," I mumble.

"So it is just a rumor," one of the girls says but I ignore her. I don't owe her an explanation.

As soon as the bell rings for lunch I grab my bag and speed walk away from this shithole school. Before I get off the property though a hand rests on my shoulder. I turn around to see the person I've been thinking about nonstop.

"Where are you going?" Ben says. I soften a little bit and my tensed shoulders droop, but I'm still pissed.

"I don't know," I say while continuing walking. "The park," I say while throwing my arms up in the air.

"Alright, I'll come with you," he says with a smirk that makes my knees feel weak.
When I don't respond his smile drops. "Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not, you're imagining things."

"I know you. I've been the victim of your angry tirades before. What's wrong?" His sweetness makes me remember why I was so excited to see him today. I don't want to think about stupid rumors right now.

"I'll tell you later. Let's just have fun right now," I say while smiling up at him. Without thinking about it I pull his hand into mine. His hand is big and it feels nice for my hand to be wrapped up in his. He looks down at me with that same smirk and I feel shy all of a sudden but a small smile comes to my lips.

He removes his hand from mine and wraps it around my side pulling me close. I'm flush against his side when he leans down to whisper in my ear, "Sure, but 'fun' is just code word for kissing, right?" He straightens and winks at me. My stomach is going crazy with butterflies, scratch that, bats, and have to stop myself from kissing him right there.

"Ben!" I say while shoving him and bursting into laughter. His playful expression quirks into a wide smile, laughter coming from deep in his chest. I grab his hand into mine again, not worried that anyone will see us because we're far enough from the school. We walk the rest of the way to the park like that, smiling, hand in hand, not thinking about any of our worries.